Soon, Asher stirred, blinking as he woke up nestled in my arms. Once he’d rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, he sheepishly looked up at me and smiled. With his messy hair and sleepy eyes, he looked gorgeous. Asher was everything I never knew I wanted. It was like fate had put us together, and my dumbass took four years to figure it out.
I held him tighter, and he sighed. The tension left his body instantly, and I hummed in approval. I loved it when he relaxed.
“Morning, baby,” I said to him.
“Good morning, stud.”
“Can we chat for a hot minute?”
Asher looked at me, clearly nervous about the request. “S-sure,” he replied, his voice trembling.
“So, you’ve liked me the whole time?” I asked
I wish I could have taken a picture of Asher’s face when I asked that. He nodded, and I caressed his face, hoping it would reassure him that this wasn’t going to be a bad conversation. “You didn’t tell me. I understand why. You didn’t tell me you were gay either. Again, I understand why, but there are other things you didn’t tell me.”
His eyes grew wide, almost defensive. “Like what?” he asked.
I took a moment to breathe before I said it. “They were hurting you the whole time. I’d seen what they did to you at Rowan’s party that night, but I was too drunk and stupid to remember the next day. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
He shuddered under my touch and looked away quickly. “Theo…”
His voice trailed off, and I continued, “I can’t imagine what that was like. I don’t know if I’d be able to talk about it either.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, my arms pulling him closer to me. “If anyone ever hurts you again, you have to tell me.”
Asher was silent. I didn’t know if I was doing any of it correctly. Maybe I should have talked to someone about how to handle this before I had the conversation, a therapist or something. “I’m not chastising you, Red. I don’t want this to come off like I’m telling you what to do. I get how hard it must be to talk about it, but I want you to tell me things. I don’t want you ever again to think you have to keep things from me.” Asher’s eyes were glassy. I felt awful—it had been an emotional twenty-four hours, but I needed to say it. “I know this is brand new for us, but my heart has never felt like this. Being with you feels so right. So good. You can’t hide things anymore because it hurts me, Asher. None of that shit was your fault, and you deserved help. Please let me help you, okay?”
I could hear the sniffling as he said, “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“No sorrys. You don’t have anything to apologize for. But, from here on out, you don’t fight alone. We fight together. Alright?”
The tender look in his eyes broke my heart. To think that someone hurt him made me insane. He nodded, and I kissed him, catching his salty tears on my lips.
“She knew.”
It came out of nowhere and caught me off guard. I didn’t quite understand what he meant until he continued. “She knew I was gay. She hated me. Mom always hated me, but being gay made it worse.” Asher trembled as he took a breath. “She told her boyfriends to toughen me up—beat the gay outof me, I guess.” When he looked up at me, I almost cried.
They beat him because he’s gay.
The rage bubbled within, but I suppressed it. He didn’t need me to lose it, Asher needed to know I was there for him—that he could talk to me, and I’d listen without going nuts. “I guess that’s why I kept everything a secret. If I told you, then you might find out why. There was so much shame—it was just hard being honest, because I-I was afraid.”
I was holding him so tightly I was afraid I might hurt him. I wanted to run out of that room and do something to the people who’d hurt him.
Calm down, Theo. That’s not what he needs.
“You don’t have to be scared anymore, baby. I’ve got you.”
Asher hid it all for years. He hid it while I claimed to be his best friend, never knowing so many things that I should have seen. I was furious with myself. “Asher, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t see it.” He started to protest, but I pressed my finger to his lips. “And I’m sorry that I chased girls while you had those feelings for me. That had to hurt. I’m going to make it up to you, baby.”
Asher’s face crumpled when I said that. “Theo, you didn’t know. You don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do. I want to.” I kissed him while running my fingers through his hair. “I want to make you happy, Asher. You deserve to feel good.”
We didn’t get up for quite some time. We didn’t really talk either. He just lay in my arms, and I caressed him because that’s what he needed—what he deserved.
I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.
Chapter 19
Asher
