Asher seemed on edge, and I couldn’t tell if it was because I was feeling weird and just projecting my feelings onto him, or if he was actually acting odd.
I observed him as he packed up his things. He kept gnawing at his cuticles, which was something I knew he did when he was nervous. It happened in high school anytime we had to play a tough team. I asked him about it once, and he said it was a nervous habit. Come to think of it, he used to do it a lot in high school, but I hadn’t seen him doing it as much at Callahan. My eyes narrowed as I fully realized how his posture had gotten weird, too. Asher always had a bit of a hunch in high school, but it went away when we went to college. I chalked it up to new strength conditioning as an NCAA athlete, but the conditioning hadn’t stopped, and there the hunch was again. It looked like tension was building up in his shoulders.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I suddenly found myself on his side of the dorm, massaging his shoulders.
Asher released a gasp, then shuddered under my touch. Fuck! There I was again being awkward! Screaming his name during sex, massaging his shoulders because he looked tense. What’s next? A reach-around?
“Oh wow. Fuck, that feels good,” he sighed.
I was relieved that he wasn’t acting weird.Is this gay?Probably, but I didn’t care. Something was happening to my buddy, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. “What’s all this tension about?”
“What?” He shrugged me off and turned to face me. “I’m not tense.”
I folded my arms across my chest, giving him what I knew was my “don’t play me” stare. “It feels like your shoulders are made of rocks. What’s going on?”
Asher shrugged while rubbing his left shoulder. He looked up at me with vulnerable eyes. He paused briefly, as if thinking about saying something, then shook his head. “Nothing, dude.Just sad to be leaving this room. We had fun here.”
“Well, unless you’re moving into that ramshackle house where the other guys live, we’re probably going to be assigned this dorm next year.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he replied.
An awkward silence fell between us, and the tension was killing me. I didn’t want to be like that with Asher. He was my friend. Should I just come clean and tell him what Abigail said? Should I tell him whatIsaid?
His green eyes looked about the room, clearly nervous about the awkward silence we were stuck in.
“We’re chilling this summer, right?” he asked.
Relief washed over me at an actual question I could answer. “Fuck, yeah, we are. You’re not getting rid of me just because we’re leaving school. I know where you live, Red. Can’t hide from me.”
Asher’s eyes looked like two crescent moons, sparkling with joy when I said that. “Good,” was all he said in response, but his shoulders visibly relaxed.
Abigail was right. It didn’t matter if Asher liked girls or guys or whatever. He was my best friend, and that was all that mattered.
Asher
I loved the Morettis more than I could put into words. Mr. and Mrs. Moretti drove me home and told me not to be a stranger over the summer. The hug Theo’s mom gave me was precisely what I needed. Aside from my grandma, she was the only woman who’d ever shown me affection. When I gotaccepted to Callahan, she and Theo were the first people I texted. I would have texted Mr. Moretti, too, but I knew his wife would show it to him. A day later, the financial aid letter hit my email. Mom didn’t give a rat’s ass, but Mrs. Moretti made me forward her a copy of the letter. She went to the trouble of printing it, then hung it on her fridge next to Theo’s acceptance letter for the rest of the year.
Mrs. Moretti gave me a kiss on the cheek, followed by Mr. Moretti’s bone-shattering slap in the back.
Jesus, this man is strong.
He congratulated me on an amazing freshman year and backed away, giving Theo room.
Theo approached and did his bro-shake thing before pulling me into a big hug. It was so hard to pull away. His big arms wrapped around me, the spicy scent of his aftershave permeating my senses. It was enough to lull me into a state of calm before I remembered why I was hugging him in the first place. My eyes trailed to the red-bricked building standing before me, and, with the snap of my fingers, that warm feeling caused by Theo’s embrace turned ice cold. A heavy feeling washed over me, creating a pressure behind my eyes that made me pinch the bridge of my nose. The tension was so thick it felt physical, like the dread I felt at moving back home was transforming into a liquid and filling my sinuses.
“You okay?” Theo asked.
No. I wasn’t okay. I was afraid. I was nineteen years old and just finished up my freshman year of college, and I was still afraid.
I didn’t feel like the rookie center who’d had a breakout freshman year with rumors that scouts were checking him out. I felt like that thirteen-year-old boy who hid in his closetwhen the shouting started, scared and alone.
My eyes met his, and I nearly did it. I nearly screamed for him to get me away from there as fast as possible. The terrifying sounds from my past echoed in my mind. My stomach clenched. I thought I might be sick.
I can’t do it anymore, Theo. Help me. Please, help me.
His eyes looked at me with concern, but I just shrugged and said. “I’m good. We’ll chill this summer, right?”
His brows scrunched up before he said, “Most definitely.” He looked at me a moment longer, his head cocking to the side in suspicion as he said, “Come have dinner with us tonight.”
