“You don’t know that!” My scream bounced off the metal cabinets of the room. Cody stilled on the bed, visibly shaken. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I-”
His hand reached out to mine. “Come here.” As I approached, he wrapped his arms around me. “Lie on the bed with me.” He said.
“Are you sure? Your head…that might—”
“I’m sure. Please lie with me, baby.”
The nerves settled instantly when Cody called me baby. My body thrummed as agitation disappeared, and a warm feeling washed over me.
His fingers trailing through my hair induced a hypnotic feeling. Cody tamed the beast in me. “Rafael, this is too much pressure. It’s not your responsibility to protect me. You can’t stop the world from being the way it is. If you worry about what might happen to me the whole time, you’ll miss the wonderful moments.”
All I wanted was to wrap him in my arms, but I worried about moving his head. “How’d getting a concussion turn you into a philosopher?” I teased.
He playfully slapped my arm. “Little shit.”
“Sorry. I know you’re right. I just—” The words caught my throat, their enormity hitting me like an avalanche. “I just love you so much. It scares me.”
Cody’s arms wrapped tighter around me. “I love you, too.” His hands cupped my chin, making me look at him. “I get scared, too, but when I’m with you, my fears vanish. This feels right. You and I feel right. Not everyone finds that, so let’s treasure it.”
“You really are an angel, you know that?”
He didn’t respond. He simply grinned and kissed me.
Cody
Hank arrived later that night and stayed at a hotel. Rafael refused to leave my side. The love I had for Rafael was growing by the moment. My sourpuss was now a golden retriever who wouldn’t leave my side. He was also hurting, and I knew his reaction to my hit on the ice was in part because of the trauma he experienced with Mattie—something needed to be done.
The next day, we were on the road, returning to New Rochelle.
Rafael fidgeted in the seat next to me, repositioning himself over and over again in frustration. He’d release long, drawn-out sighs and pinch the bridge of his nose.
Coach texted him that morning, saying that the Player Safety Committee wanted to schedule a call to discuss Rafael’s actions. The referees had alerted them to the fight that broke out and how Rafael had caused it.
I texted Coach to let him know about the fist-bump Rafael saw. The bastard hit me on purpose, and he celebrated as they wheeled me out on a stretcher. How could he not be in trouble, too?
“I need to use the restroom,” Rafael said.
Hank looked in the rearview mirror and nodded. “There’s a rest stop ahead. I’ll pull over.”
Rafael ran inside to go to the bathroom the moment the car stopped. Hank and I sat alone in the car. I was feeling bold in that moment, and I wanted to take the opportunity to speak with Hank.
I knew Rafael’s guilt was going to eat away at him slowly. It affected every decision he made. He was terrified he might lose me, so he beat the holy hell out of the dude who hurt me.
He took ownership of something that happened when he was fourteen. It was absurd to expect a fourteen-year-old to be capable of anything in that situation, and at least one of his parents needed to tell Rafael that.
“Hank, I want to talk to you,” I blurted out, my gut twisting with nerves. We didn’t have a lot of time before Rafael came back. I had to be quick and concise.
“Shoot,” he replied.
Here we go. I took a deep breath to prepare myself. “I know Rafael blames himself for Mattie’s death. The guilt has been eating away at him for four years, and you need to talk to him. You and Rita have to tell Rafael it wasn’t his fault. He was a fourteen-year-old boy who didn’t have the strength to battle a thunderstorm in the Atlantic Ocean. You need to drive that point home so that he can forgive himself. Do you understand me?”
Hank’s mouth fell open. I suppose it was a lot to take in all at once. Like I said, quick and concise.
Hank appeared dumbfounded. His eyes looked forward, as if he were searching for something. “Did he tell you he blames himself?”
“He didn’t have to tell me. I know he blames himself for Mattie’s death. I wouldn’t be shocked if he blames himself for you leaving. Rafael believes this was all his fault.”
Hank watched his hands as they rubbed his thighs. “How could he think that? It was my fault. I let them go out there without checking the weather.”
