Rafael
It was July, and the house was abuzz with Jill’s lunacy. She’d planned a soiree for some of her church friends. In a few hours, about a dozen or so Christian idiots would be walking about the house making idle chit chat. I hated nothing more than chit chat, so I was hiding out in my bedroom.
Cody’s Aunt Sue was here to help, and I could tell from the moment she set foot in the house that she didn’t like me. I somewhat remembered her face from the wedding, but like I said before, I wasn’t the most coherent person at that little shindig.
It had been a few days since I dropped my big bombshell, and Cody looked terrible. He barely spent time in the house, and, when he did, he looked like a ghost. He must have asked Asher to drive him to and from practice so he wouldn’t have to sit alone in the car with me. I’d locked my door every night, and, each night, I heard it jiggle just a little. It broke my fucking heart knowing it was him, but I knew this was for the best.
Cody would meet someone else. In time, he’d understand real love and why I didn’t deserve him. I was a flash in the pan of Cody’s life. He’d forget about us eventually. I wouldn’t, though. I knew Cody would stay with me for as long as I lived.
There was a clatter of pans downstairs, followed by the echo of Jill screaming at Cody. I couldn’t handle it. Cody had been up since six in the morning helping Jill set up for the party. Clearly, she couldn’t handle it, so why she took it upon herself to do shit like that was beyond me.
There was another thud in the kitchen, and Jill’s voice was so loud I could hear her clearly in my room. “Cody! What in God’s name is the matter with you?”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Cody was like that because of me. If we weren’t in the horrendous situation I created, I’d probably be helping him.
So, I got out of bed and went downstairs to lend a hand. I knew Cody would leave the minute I arrived, and that was okay. He should take a nap. I was under no obligation to play nice with Jill’s friends today, but he certainly was. A nap would do him some good.
I walked into the kitchen at the tail-end of the mini-catastrophe that caused the crashing sounds from earlier.
Cody was on his hands and knees, picking up the dozens of raw cookies that had landed on the floor when the baking sheets fell. Meanwhile, Jill was picking up the pans strewn about the floor due to the fallen pot rack, which lay against the kitchen cabinets adjacent to the sink.
Sue set a stack of pans on the kitchen island and suggested, “Why don’t you let Cody nap. He’s tired. You had him up at the crack of dawn. It’s just a barbecue, Jill.”
Jill’s hands were shaking, and her chest heaved. “It’s not just a barbecue. This is for the church. These are people I have to see every week, Sue, I don’t want to be embarrassed.”
“This party will be fine. Aren’t they supposed to be religious? They won’t judge you,” Sue added.
“Oh, don’t be naive! Religious people are the most judgmental,” Jill retorted.
Cody released a frustrated sigh and added, “It’s fine! It was an accident, I’m just a little tired—”
“Which is why you should take a nap,” Sue snapped toward Jill.
“Sue, I need Cody here—”
I clapped my hands and yelled, “Well! Where should I start?”
The three of them looked at me wide-eyed, mouths ajar. “I can help. I’m up and ready to do whatever needs to happen.”
There were a few beats of silence before Sue said, “Help Cody.”
I can assure you Cody did not appreciate that suggestion, but I walked over and helped him pick up the remains of the cookie massacre. His Adam’s apple bobbed as I knelt and began helping him. We had to scrape the sticky dough off the floor with our nails. I realized that was dumb, so I reached for the metal scraper lying next to us. Cody must have had the same idea because his hand reached for it at the same time, and our hands connected.
It was the first time we had touched since I said I wanted to leave, and the unyielding need to hold his hand consumed me, so I wrapped mine around his and squeezed.
My eyes closed, and for a moment, I imagined that hand being his body. The urge to wrap my arms around him and tell him how sorry I was that I couldn’t be the person he wanted was so strong it made me tremble.
I opened my eyes to see him staring at our joined hands. His eyes looked glassy, and his lips opened and closed as if he were speaking to himself. Cody looked up, eyes meeting mine, and we froze. We just stayed there like that, holding hands, eyes locked, until we heard a gasp behind us.
The magic vanished in a flash, both of us snapping our hands away from one another. I turned around and saw Sue giving us a knowing look. She cocked her brow then went on stacking the pans like she had been.
I turned back to Cody and saw him losing it. His eyes darted about the room, his face was a deep shade of red, and he clenched the hand holding mine.
He jumped up to leave the kitchen. As he exited, Jill asked, “Where are you going?”
“I JUST NEED A MINUTE, MOM!” His racing feet pounded up the stairs before the slamming of his bedroom door shook the life out of all three of us still in the kitchen.
“What on Earth has gotten into him?” Jill asked.
