Mom didn’t look up from her task as she answered. “Mmhm. He was pretty quiet, and I didn’t want to pry.”
I grabbed my phone and texted him.
Me: Hey! You at the park or something?
He saw it. The dreaded dots indicating he was writing something appeared, vanished, reappeared, and disappeared entirely. He didn’t respond.
Maybe he had an appointment and couldn’t text right then? Hank was at work, so he wouldn’t be with him.
I made my way to the cereal cupboard and poured myself a bowl. I sat at the kitchen island staring at the text I had sent Rafael while shoveling cereal into my mouth—still, nothing.
I was being a stage ten clinger. Okay, so he went out without saying anything. It wasn’t a big deal. He’s allowed to have a life. We started getting along about five minutes ago. Why was I being so sensitive about this?
I texted Asher to meet me at the park to play street hockey. I needed to chill out. It was summer, so I should make the most of it. Maybe Rafael went out with Theo or something.
Fortunately, Asher was game, so I grabbed my gear and met him at the park.
Rafael
I just needed time to think. Everything with Cody happened so fast. I went from hating his guts and using him as a tool to bring about the demise of my absent father to having dreams about him drowning.
That never happened before. Ever. Why did Cody replace Mattie in the dream? I rubbed the heels of my palms over my eyes, trying to get rid of the image of Cody’s lifeless face in the water as I sat at some cheap diner in downtown New Rochelle.
I didn’t understand it. Mattie was supposed to be in the dream. I lost Mattie. Not Cody. What the fuck did this mean?
Better yet, what did I think I was doing with Cody? We were sneaking into each other’s beds to snuggle. We weren’t doing it to have a clandestine fuck-fest while our oblivious parents slept on the floor above us. No, Cody and I were—
I lost him.
It hit me why I saw him in the dream. I’m going to lose him. Sooner or later, something would happen. Cody would see me for who I really was, and he’d leave. I’d lose him just like a lost Mattie because I couldn’t hold on to the people I loved. Mattie died, Dad ran away, and Mom disappeared emotionally. She closed herself off. We barely spoke in all the years we lived alone together in that house. We didn’t even hug.
I’d lose Cody because I lost everyone. That was my curse in life, which is why I’d closed myself off to begin with. It hurt too much to keep losing the people I loved.
And I loved—
The coffee turned to acid in my gut and rose to the back of my throat. I ran to the restroom and emptied my stomach in the lone toilet housed in a bathroom painted sickly blue and covered in messages scribbled in marker by shitty teens like me.
I stayed there until everything left my body, then ambled back to the dining area. My spot at the coffee bar was still available, so I sat back down and looked at my phone. I hadn’t answered Cody, and I wasn’t going to. I went to my contacts and called the last person who wanted to hear from me.
“Hi, Mom.”
Cody
It was hot as hell. Playing hockey outside in July was definitely ill-advised, but it was good to have the distraction from the fact that Rafael hadn’t responded. I still didn’t know why I was stressing about it. It’s not like we texted each other all day long. Mainly because we lived in the same house, but still…
I was skating back home when I saw all three cars in the driveway.
He’s back.
I was so relieved as I rolled into the garage, took off my rollerblades, and threw my gear on the floor before I ran into the kitchen.
Rafael, Hank, and Mom were gathered around the kitchen island, so I strolled over and asked, “What’s up?”
I didn’t even have to wait for an answer to know something was wrong. Mom and Hank looked ashen. I turned to Rafael, and he looked at the floor.
“What’s going on?” I asked again.
Mom and Hank looked at each other and then at Rafael. Neither spoke for a moment, and then Hank finally said, “Rafael has decided that he wants to go to military school. His mother will pick him up at the end of July.”
