With a jolt, she remembers her mother’s words. She and Danika need to talk, clear the air…or will it push yet more complications into their world? The latter more like. Last night, when Danika said she wanted to kiss her, Kim had hesitated. Oh, she’d wanted that more than she wanted her next breath, but everything that should be said first had swirled between them in a haze of potential misunderstanding.
Had it been wrong of her to push that aside, suppress it so that they could become closer? It probably was, she acknowledges, but they are now lovers, and maybe the conversation will be easier with this extra layer between them.
She snorts. Who is she kidding? Danika might think Kim has taken advantage of her, waiting to raise it until now. She goes still and cold. Is that what she did? Maybe. Well, yes. But not deliberately. She’d wanted Danika last night, and Danika had wanted her. Is that so wrong?
And now, they’ve compounded it by falling back into bed again. Into complicating their situation still further.
Kim takes deep breaths, trying not to spiral into a frenzy of what-ifs, and the mess she’s made for herself. They don’t have a future path mapped in stone. They both care for each other; that is obvious. Hopefully, that caring, those feelings, will get them through this.
She turns her head and looks at Danika. She’s lying there, eyes on the ceiling. Is she, too, wondering? She, too, said there are things to talk about, but right now, those things are still unsaid. Kim pinches the bridge of her nose.
And suddenly, she’s overwhelmed. Everything cloudy between them becomes a wall they either have to demolish or let stand. And if it stands, well, things will never be right. Secrets always come out. Resentment always festers. If Kim ignores her mother’s advice, if too much time passes to act, then what will Bella say in the future? Will she feel cheated by her mum?
Kim wouldn’t blame her.
She turns her head and sees Danika’s trembling lip. Her arms are at her sides, fists clenched.
Danika, too, is spiralling.
“Are you okay?” She pushes aside her own worry and turns to Danika. “Talk to me. Please.”
Danika won’t meet her eyes, and she draws a shuddering breath.
With a sense of finality, Kim waits for her words.
“I can’t do this right now.” Danika sits up. “I can’t lie here, having loved you, after such a perfect night, and pretend thateverything is right between us, much as I want it to be. Last night was for talking, not for lovemaking. We had one job to do, and we didn’t do it.” She swings her legs out of bed, sits on the edge, and puts her head in her hands, raking through her hair.
Kim sits up as well, next to her on the edge. Tentatively, she puts a hand around Danika’s shoulders. “Talk to me now. We’ll both talk.” She bites her lip.
Danika raises her head and stares at her. Her eyes swim with tears. “I’m trying. I know we need to—Ineed to—but I don’t know how to start. I thought after last night maybe it would be easier. Ha!”
Her mirthless laugh chills Kim, and her limbs feel stiff, frozen. It sounds like a breakup speech, one postponed until another day, but a breakup all the same. “Are you dumping me?”
Danika’s gaze flicks away. “I’m not, no. But after we’ve talked, there’s every chance you’ll distance yourself.”
Kim stares, confused. “Why?”
“That’s what I’m trying…to tell you.” Danika’s voice trembles.
“We can work through this together.” The hammering in her mind intensifies.
Danika is silent, but her shoulders are rigid under Kim’s arm.
“Suze isn’t expecting us to collect the girls until lunchtime,” Kim finally says. “We have at least three hours.”
Danika ducks out from under Kim’s arm and stands. “You’re right.” Her glance collides with Kim’s then slides away. “I need a shower. Again. But then, we’ll talk.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Danika
The second shower clears Danika’s mind a little.
No more procrastination—they need to talk.
She knows why she’s hesitating. Their night together was so perfect that she’s afraid to shatter what they have by telling Kim about Chris’s lack of will. But she has to tell her, after which they’ll debate money, take sides, and no doubt find lawyers. Maybe they’ll be like a divorced couple, stiltedly talking on the phone to arrange play dates and sleepovers for their kids.
If they don’t have that conversation now, when will she summon her courage to talk to Kim about the money she and Bella should have?
