Kim shakes her head. “Bella said some time ago she missed Cami. And the soccer jersey was the excuse she needed.”
“I’m glad.”
Kim is happy too, and it’s not only for Bella’s sake. It feels right to be here in Danika’s kitchen. The client, Eliza, who reminded her of Danika, isn’t the real thing, which is why she never called her to ask her out after the job finished. Kim stares at Danika’s fingers where they rest on the fridge door. She imagines them on the keyboard as Danika works. She’s sure Danika is fast and efficient in what she does.
“I told my parents you were coming around today. They’re happy for us,” Danika says. “Mum said again that she’d love to get to know you and Bella when the time is right. She’d drop everything and come today if I asked, but I said she needed to give us more space by ourselves first. I hope that’s all right with you?”
Kim nods, touched by Danika’s thoughtfulness. After all, having Shirley here would lift some of the pressure. Shirley’s inevitable questions to Kim would save Danika having to engage as much.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Danika says. “I’d love for her to come over. But today, I’d rather it was just you, me, and the girls.”
They fall silent for a moment. Kim sips the pink wine she brought, glad she bought a decent bottle and not her usual plonk.
“Being a…widow… It’s hard for me, and I have Mum and Dad. My best friend Mirza. A few other friends. But I work alone from the house, so it’s been too easy for me to sit at home and wallow. If not for Cami, that’s probably what I’d have done. I talked to my GP, but all he did was offer anti-depressants. I’m sure they’re right for many people in my situation, but for me, grieving is something I need to work through, not take a pill to make it go away.” She tilts her head and stares at Kim. Her eyes glow warm in the sunlight slanting in through the window. “Has it been similar for you? Worse, maybe, with no parents close by.”
“Jorie’s mum, Suze, is my rock. I couldn’t have got through losing Chris without her. Although I didn’t tell her about you and Cami until after I’d seen you. I’m not sure why, really. I took anti-depressants for a couple of months, but felt I couldn’t be fully present for Bella.” She shrugs. “That was my experience, anyway.” Kim takes a deep breath. “I’ve wondered about trying to date. If it’s too soon, too hard, too confronting for Bella, or if I even want to.”
“There’s no timeline for this,” Danika says. “It’s not right for me yet. I wish it were, but every time it crosses my mind, I wonder how I can ever trust anyone again. I trusted Chris, utterly and completely, and look where it got me.” She looks down at her glass. “It scares me,” she adds in a whisper.
Kim’s heart beats in time with the ticking clock. That was her worry too. To be betrayed at such an elemental level rocked her to her core. But over time, as the extent of Chris’s deception became clear, she made a conscious decision not to let that affect her going forward. Oh, of course, it was never going to be that easy. But she won’t let it taint her life, nor Bella’s, if at all possible.
“I trust my friends,” she says. “I trust Bella. I trust the banks not to steal my money, the government to steer Australia safely to the next generation and beyond. I trust road users to obey traffic lights, and the bloke who fixes my laptop not to steal my personal data. We all have to trust.”
“You didn’t mention any romantic partners in that list,” Danika says.
“It hasn’t come up. Yet. I hope it will.” She reaches over and takes Danika’s hand, tightening her grip at Danika’s surprised twitch. “And I trust you, Danika. I trust you—and that includes Cami—not to break Bella’s heart. I trust you to do the right thing by us as we untangle this unbelievable mess we’ve ended up in.”
“Thank you,” Danika says. Her hand relaxes in Kim’s grip. “I won’t betray that trust. There’s been enough of that in both our lives.”
Kim runs her fingers over the back of Danika’s hand. To and fro, back and forth. She means it to be soothing, but the way Danika’s breathing shortens, tightens, it may not be having that effect. “Are you sworn off dating?”
Danika’s tongue darts out and touches her lower lip. It’s a nervous gesture rather than a provocative one. “I’m too scared totry right now. But I hope in the future there’ll be someone else.” She licks her lips again. “Would you date a man or a woman…or, I guess, non-binary?” She huffs a tiny laugh. “If that’s an inappropriate question or you don’t want to answer, ignore me.”
“Until recently, I barely thought of dating,” Kim says. “But although I’m bisexual, I’ve always leaned more toward dating women. So the odds are in favour of a female-presenting person.”Like you. The thought somersaults into her mind, but she pushes it aside.Don’t go there. “But more recently, I’m thinking about dating. I don’t know what, if anything, I’ll do about it though. Maybe wait until the perfect person falls into my life.”
“Mirza has a friend she wants to introduce me to,” Danika says. “A fireman. And please spare me the jokes about long hoses.” She grimaces.
“Truly the last thing on my mind.” For a millisecond, she wonders how Danika and Chris were together, but in the next breath she realises she doesn’t care. Really doesn’t want to know. And it’s too intrusive to ask.
But she’d like to know more about Danika. What she likes in all sorts of ways.
“Maybe we should go out together one night,” Danika says.
Kim’s heart slams against her ribs. Has Danika justasked her out? On a date?She swallows hard as she replays her words.
Danika huffs a high-pitched laugh. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just realised how that sounded. No wonder you’re looking at me so strangely. I didn’t mean for us to go on a date together. I meant maybe we should go out together and see who we might meet. Be each other’s wing woman. Go somewhere we might not want to go by ourselves.”
Kim trickles a breath out. The disappointment is layering in her stomach. “Right. I see what you mean. Sure, we could do that. Do you have somewhere in mind?”
Danika lifts a shoulder. “Maybe just a pub? One with music or a trivia night or something? Mirza and I babysit for each other. I’m sure she’d take Bella too, if you’re comfortable with that. Bella knows her daughter Sylvie from soccer camp.”
“That would be great. If Bella’s okay with it.”
“I’ll check with Mirza; you check with Bella.”
Kim sips her wine. “Will you be looking to meet someone?” A hook-up maybe, but she doesn’t want to ask that.
Danika’s lips twitch. “No. Not looking. Just a baby step in getting out there again.” She pauses. “I think meeting you, the whole…situation…has shown me I was holding on to an ideal picture in my mind. And that picture wasn’t right. The dream family shattered, so why should I hold myself back out of some misplaced loyalty to someone so”—she seems to pick her words—“disrespectful to me. Chris took away my autonomy. Yours too. He didn’t give me the choice of whether, when he found you, I could choose to leave him. Or choose to accept. Or choose an open relationship. And he didn’t give you those choices either.”
