Exactly how my grandparents left and never spoke to my family again after their daughter vanished.
How my damn father was arrested and is incarcerated because the love in his marriage failed at some point in time, and he wasn’t man enough to try and fix it.
Her words echo in my head.
“But I can’t hold on to the hope that you might someday say it back when there’s a chance you never will.”
I want to.
Fuck. I want to shout it at her to get my head out of my ass since I promised myself I’d never say those words to anyone unless it were my siblings.
People always seem to leave and never come back. But the thought of losing Taryn…
She is virtuous. She is gentle. She loves and accepts the darkest parts of me.
If surrendering my control so I can love her in all the ways she deserves can annihilate me, then I will forever consider her my ultimate risk. And if all fails, her loving me exactly how I am right now will be my greatest reward.
“I fucked up. Hard,” I say, reaching out to feel Rossco’s thick coat below my sweaty palms. “But I think you already know that.”
He blinks at me, his tongue lolling to the side when I scratch behind his ears. “Let’s go get our girl,” I murmur.
Our girl.
My girl.
Mine.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting alone, but I pick up my stressed and weighted frame off the bed, go to my dresser, and tug on a pair of sweatpants and a white T-shirt. My brisk, beating heart increases my pace as I march into the closet, grabbing a sweatshirt before I make my way to the front of the house and slip on my boots.
The rain pelts down on my hood relentlessly, soaking through the cloth. The back door light of the main house guides me through the yard with Rossco on my tail. With too much intensity, I fling the back door open, letting it slam against the exterior of the house. I’m through the hallway and in the foyer before it has time to shut.
I lower my hood, and Rossco shakes his damp coat over the wood floor at my feet. I should clean it up so nobody slips, but Taryn is my priority. And I vow right here that she will always be one of my priorities.
Three pairs of eyes in the living room snap to me. Elena and Tristan must be in bed.
I clear my throat, the weight of their gazes making my skin itch. “Is she upstairs?”
Brennan’s arm is draped over the back of the couch, and his eyes fall to his lap. Jessica says nothing from the recliner.
Cameron’s disheartened regard, though…that one slices through every muscle and embeds in my bones. Swiping a thumb across his bottom lip, he leans over his knees, pinning me with his glare. “You want to clue us in on what’s going on?”
My chest caves, my lungs squeezing out the words. “She told me she—”
“She what?” Brennan pushes, slanting his head.
My pulse batters. “Loves me.”
Lines form between Cameron’s brows. “So, what’s the fucking problem then?”
I don’t want to admit it—that I am a complete asshole for letting her walk away like that, but honesty wins. “I couldn’t say it back.”
Jess lifts a hand to her mouth in shock. “That explains it,” she mutters through her fingers, but the words are precise and clear, striking with a force that weakens my knees.
“Colten…” Cameron’s pained sigh has my hands balling into fists at my sides. “You can’t punish yourself or Taryn for what happened between Mom and Dad. You aren’t them.” He shakes his head. “And if you take things further with her…I know you’d go into it knowing you’d want your relationship to look nothing like what theirs did those last few years before Mom disappeared.”
Emotion slithers up my throat, clogging my airway and making it difficult to draw even half a breath.
He’s right.
