Am I really about to say it?
“I just don’t think I can do this anymore,” I blurt out, feeling the hot sting of tears welling up in the corners of my eyes.
He puts down his fork, then reaches out for my hand across the table, covering it with his own for a moment. But I quickly yank my hand away and into the safety of my lap, feeling my heart begin to hammer as hard as hell as the realization of what I’m about to do well and truly sinks in.
Because with these words, I’m about to kiss goodbye to a whole possible other life: I’m about to kiss goodbye toonemillion dollars...
“I’m not a whore, Marcus,” I say in an almost whisper. “And if I take your money at the end of this week, then that makes me one, doesn’t it?”
To my surprise, he shakes his head.
“No, you’renota whore, Jennifer,” he says, his voice brimming with tenderness and understanding, so much it kind of knocks me back a little. “You know what you are?”
I shake my head.
“You’re a beautiful and refined young woman. I’m learning things from you, Jennifer. I’m learning about myself ... I’m ...”
At this, he pauses for a moment.
“What?” I push. “What were you about to say?”
And to my surprise I watch a soft blush actually rise to his cheeks! In a million years I never thought I’d see a cold-blooded guy like Marcus Whitelaw look embarrassed, but here he is, suddenly the one squirming in his seat!
“Well,” he says in a low tone, not quite meeting my eye, “I guess I’m feeling things for you that I wasn’t expecting. Things I wasn’t prepared for. At first I ignored them, but now? Well, I guess I’d like to explore those feelings further. I want you to stay here, Jennifer. Forget about the money for now if you have to. But please stay the rest of the week. Please?”
I stay silent, my head still swirling, still so unsure about what I want.
“I know I’ve been cold with you,” he continues, “keeping you at arms length the last few nights. But I was only doing that to protect you. To protect both of us, really. I was scared and somewhat taken aback by how quickly, and howdeeply, I’ve been falling for you. Listen, tomorrow night, there’s a function – it’s this black tie charity ball that our company throws every year. Well, I’d like you to accompany me to it. I’d like you to meet my colleagues. I’d like to show you off, to everyone. So? What do you say? Will you be my date?”
I take a deep breath.
“Okay,” I reply with a shy smile. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”
And when he smiles too, it’s like the sun suddenly comes out, flooding the room with warmth and happiness.
As the meal draws to a close, I feel myself wondering about the rest of the night ahead – what exactly is going to happen next. But before I can even ask, Marcus says, “We don’t need to do anything tonight if you don’t want to. I just want you to be happy, Jennifer. I meant what I said. That’s’ the most important thing. Screw the contract.”
“But Idowant something to happen,” I reply quickly, surprising myself with the urgency of my words. Because this is still all so new to me, so strange – to feel this way about anyone.
I fight back my embarrassment and continue to speak.
“Last night,” I say quietly. “What you told me ... What youshowedme about pleasure and pain? Well, I guess I enjoyed it, Marcus, I enjoyed it even more than I thought I would.”
“I’m glad,” he says, that now-familiar playful glint appearing in his eye.
“And, well, I guess I want to know more,” I continue, fighting back my embarrassment as I decide to justsay what I want, for once in my life. “I want you to show me everything, Marcus. Teach me. Push me to my limits. Really. I want that. I want you to do whatever you want to me.”
I’m surprised at what I’ve just said -surprised but turned on too.
“Are you sure?” he replies, tenderly. “Because some of the things I want to do are kind of ...dark, Jennifer.”
“The darker the better,” I say excitedly. “Really, Marcus. Show meeverything.”
“Very well,” he says, pushing himself to his feet and offering his hand to me. “In that case, come with me ...”
I take his hand and he leads us in silence up to his bedroom, closing the door behind us, enveloping us once more in the pulsating quiet of his room.
I turn to face him, leaning in to kiss him, but to my surprise he shakes his head.
