A groan escaped my lips. That was what finally got Itsuki’s attention.
“Are you okay?” Itsuki asked
We all paused our walk. I did my best to will my heart and my breathing to slow the fuck down. This was such a huge fucking mess. I hated that this asshole had me all figured out and knew just how to play with my emotions, keeping me in line. He was trying to get what he wanted when it came to my best friend, because now I was completely powerless to Ryosuke. He had leverage to mess up my entire life if he wanted to.
“I’m fine,” I lied again. And I knew it was a mistake to use the same lie more than once because now I had Itsuki moving in front of me to grab my face, his warm palms resting against my face. I begged my body to cooperate. To not heat at his touch, no matter how much it wanted to. All it would take was for him to lean forward. I could easily picture his mouth against mine.
Stop it. Yasu, that’s such a dangerous thought.
I cleared my throat, staring into Itsuki’s dark, swirling gaze. All I kept focusing on was the red-headed man who was standing behind me, watching the whole thing unfold, no doubt filing it away for later.
“Sorry, Itsu-chan. You just took me off guard with your phone call earlier.” It was still a lie, but it seemed to do the trick.The smile that had been on his face before I’d stumbled in my confidence was back.
“It’s okay. I realized after I hung up that I’d been really cryptic. If you weren’t worried about me, then I’d be concerned.”
We all laughed, even though all I wanted to do was kick the man who was effectively being a third wheel. Ironic how I’d originally come across as a third wheel, but now it was Ryosuke instead.
Chapter 17
Ryosuke
The second we walked into a plush, cutesy little apartment, I should have turned around and left. This wasn’t the place I’d intended to end up for the day, but when both Itsuki and Yasu kicked off their shoes walking deeper into the home without telling me to get lost, it was hard to turn away.
I was an addict through and through. I craved the thrill, the feel of the forbidden. It sent shivers through my system that made my brain and body happy in ways that I couldn’t achieve in any other way.
So yeah, the night that little baggie was passed around with my band? That had been hell. I wanted so badly to cave and give in to my old habits. To plop not only one, but multiple of the little discs onto my tongue, going for the ride of my life. Though that was how so many ended up dead after being sober for so long. You think your body can handle what it used to, but it just can’t. The next thing you know, you either end up in the hospital or a body bag.
And I was still playing music because I’d said no.
Now I was chasing another type of high. The high I could only get when it came to toying with other people for sex. Was there anything wrong with wanting to feel good? Maybe if it came at the expense of messing up the band that was finally giving me a chance.
My last chance.
Hushed voices filled the space around me, I should have been paying attention to what Itsuki and Yasu were saying, but all I could do was take in the big fluffy couch that sat in the middle of the front room and the low, polished wood table that sat in front of a TV that was bigger than anything I’d ever seen.
While Yasu’s place had been mute and minimalistic, Itsuki's was the exact opposite. Everything about his place screamed loud and eccentric. The walls were painted bright colors, and band posters covered every available surface. It spoke of his undying love for music—you wouldn’t doubt who Itsuki was if you looked at the space he lived in.
Of course, I was the only one enthralled by the space. It was my first time there, so it was no wonder that I needed to take my time to digest everything, absorb it all. I wanted to see what other types of bands the guitarist was into. They all varied from other Japanese rock bands to American punk and alternative. The number of posters could have kept me entertained for hours, like looking through an art museum. That was until I noticed that I was all alone in the room.
Yasu and Itsuki were in another room. I followed their voices into what was the kitchen. Yasu sat at a table while Itsuki was at the stove, putting a kettle on a burner.
“I was just making some tea. Did you want some?”
His question snapped me out of my contemplative mood.
“Yes, I would love some. Thank you.” While I’d been all about picking Yasu apart in his space, I wasn’t as compelled in Itsuki’s.Maybe it was because Yasu kept so much about himself tucked away that it took more to put the pieces together.
“My only other worry is that it would destroy my furniture.”My eyes widened at Itsuki’s bizarre statement. I should have been paying attention to what he’d been talking about.
“Nani?” I blinked, and both Itsuki and Yasu started laughing.
“I told you he wasn’t listening,” Yasu said as he stood from his seat to help Itsuki pull a few cups out. He placed tea bags in them before he brought them to the table and waited for his friend to bring the boiling water over.
While I wanted to argue that he was wrong, he wasn’t. At least Itsuki didn’t look upset about it and he brought over the kettle of water, pouring the steaming liquid into our cups before returning it to the stove. “I was talking about the cat.”
I tilted my head to the side. “You were still talking about it?”
The light tinkle of Itsuki’s laughter made my stomach flutter. “We never stopped. How long were you not paying attention?”
