‘I think this really works, you can stay in that position if you want to. Or, you know… move around. The most important thing is you’re comfortable.’
I amnotcomfortable in the slightest, but he’s being so sweet and accommodating that I choose to keep this to myself.
He hovers right above me, getting a birds-eye view, and his camera clicks a few more times. I have no idea where to look or what to do with my face, and I know it shows. I feel so hideously unprepared and ill-suited to do this that I just about resist throwing my hands over my face.
‘Why don’t you try closing your eyes? Listen to the music a bit,’ he suggests.
I close my eyes as instructed. I take another deep breath and pretend Owen isn’t here, ignoring the clicks above me.
The respite doesn’t last long. ‘Alright, open your eyes,’ he says, his voice quiet but firm.
When I do, the camera is much closer to my face than expected, and a laugh erupts from my belly.
‘Jesus, Owen,’ I protest, my hand flying instinctually up to cover my mouth.
‘Sorry, the camera loves your face,’ he says mildly. It clicks a few more times. ‘And your hair against the grass is kind ofperfect. Just give me a few more shots and we’ll be done, alright? You good?’
‘I’m good. I’m unwell, but I’m good.’
‘You’re doing amazing.’ He walks around me and settles in the grass at my side, lowering himself until he’s lying flat. ‘This will sound weird, but I just want you to sit up and pretend I’m not here, yeah?’
That I can do. I try to fix my hair as I normally would and listen to the quiet undercurrent of one my favourite songs blasting from Owen’s phone. I see in the corner of my vision that he’s sitting up now, capturing my profile.
‘Okay, now I’m here,’ he says brightly. ‘We’re finishing up now. Doesn’t that make you so happy? Doesn’t that make you wanna give me a hugesmile, Nora?’
I take the hint and find my lips tugging upward, before shooting him one my biggest grins. As I know I’m about to be free from this, it actually feels more genuine.
‘Amazing,’ he says, getting to his feet and reaching a hand down to pull me up. ‘You were so good, Nora. Really.’
I try to cover my doubtful look with a grateful smile. ‘Thanks for doing this. You made it really easy.’
It’s not a complete lie. While the experience was mildly sickness-inducing, he made it much less painful than I imagined.
‘Right, let’s take a look,’ he announces. The nervous ball in my stomach tugs at me. Every fibre of my being wants to decline and run, but this would not be polite.
As he clicks through them my nerves simmer and hum within me, but never enough to make me want to look away. The first few are the most uncomfortable, with my face so anxious and guarded the sight almost makes me laugh. But they steadily get easier to look at. When he stops at one with my eyes closed and my hair haloed against the grass, it strikes me that it’s just areally good photo. And I do happen to be in it, which is quite staggering.
‘Good, right?’ he says, sensing my approval, the excitement clear in his voice.
‘You’re really talented,’ I say honestly.
‘Just wait, I don’t think this is even the money shot yet.’
I hold my breath when we get to the close-up shots. The lighting is beautiful, bathing my skin in a warmth that he’s somehow manufactured from this grey day.
He stops at another where I’m in the middle of a laugh and also possibly mid-blink, giving the shot a slight blurry quality, and I feel like it shouldn’t work… but it does. It’s the tiniest moment of raw joy, captured and cemented in his screen. Despite myself, I find it difficult to take my eyes off it. And I don’t hate it. At all.
But given he’s a professional, I think this might be rude to say.
‘That’s beautiful,’ he says proudly, tapping the screen. ‘You see that?’
I look at it again, the distinct lack of familiar aversion knocking me backward. A tight knot loosens inside my chest. Opens up and slackens. Feels like it’s making space for something.
‘Thank you, Owen.’
It is completely insufficient, but he wraps an arm around my shoulders anyway.
When Owenand I eventually spot the others in Lenny’s Tavern, Josh appears to be in the midst of a very complicated, frenzieddance routine. Hennie films him on her phone, her grip on it shaking as she laughs. Elliot stands to the side looking mortified.
