“Oh, were you being serious? You want androgynous clothes and hair?” Aspen asked, releasing Rachel so she could go over to Blair’s station.
Dani studied herself in the mirror, picking up a lock of hair only to let it flop down lifeless onto her chest. “I’m ready for a change. I don’t think I want–” she gestured at Aspen’s fire engine red hair in the mirror, “But I definitely want something. Maybe…”
“And undercut with either bangs or a streak of fun color?” Aspen suggested, smiling to themself when Dani’s face lit up.
“I got you, sis–sib?” they corrected themself, but Dani shrugged.
“I really don’t mind she/her, I just…feel like there’s something more going on behind the scenes.”
Aspen cackled, pulling out clips, scissors, and their razor. “Now you areliterallyspeaking my language.”
They tried to be thorough and give Dani the best first genderqueer haircut experience, but they also needed to fit in as many clients as they could for the fundraiser. “How about I come back for your shift on Sunday and we do the color then?” she asked as soon as Aspen put the finishing touches on her undercut. With her hair down, it was almost impossible to see, which was why she had decided she wanted to dye her bangs bright pink.
“If you’re sure, that would be amazing.”
“Of course. And we’ll talk more tonight,” she said, waiting until Aspen removed the cape to jump out of her seat and hug them tightly.
The rest of the fundraiser went by in a blur, and Aspen was able to snap a few good pictures of the owner-doggy haircuts topost on the shelter’s socials. The rest they’d get back from Blair’s roommate by the end of the weekend.
When everything was said and done, the salon gained 15 new customers, the shelter raised over $3000, and five shelter dogs would be getting free haircuts.
Aspen was beyond exhausted, but they nearly cried with happiness when they sent Charlie and Noah the news in their group chat, and they both told Aspen what a good job they’d done. That made up for the fact that they were so tired they practically had to crawl home. Dani ordered them pizza, and they sat on Aspen’s couch and caught up after over a year apart.
“You already know I adore Noah from that time you brought him home, and Rachel is amazing, so she better be around after the trial relationship ends.”
Aspen was desperately fighting to stay awake, but Dani was apparently wide awake and eager to chat.
“They’re both amazing and will definitely still be in my life after the trial period. At least as friends, if not hopefully more so.”
Aspen was lying with their head in her lap, and when she began carding her fingers through their hair, they almost drifted off to sleep, but then she cleared her throat. “Are you in love with them?”
Aspen groaned. “I don’t know, Dani. I’m definitely not in love with Rachel. I’ve only known her for a few months, and we’re not really dating so much as just having fun together. Noah, I kind of feel like I’ve always been in love with him, or at the very least, I’ve been in love with him for the whole trial relationship. I know he loves me too, but he’s still trying to figure out what that means and what that looks like for him in terms of dating and relationships. As far as I’m concerned, not much has really changed since we started except that we’re closer than ever before and I’m happier than I’ve been in my life.”
“And you want that to continue? The sort-of-dating that you’re doing now?”
“Yes. I don’t know what it means for titles, or statuses, or anything like that, but I want everything between us to stay how it is now, if not continue to grow even more.”
Dani hummed softly. “And have you told him that?”
Aspen tried to bury their face in her sweater, but she shoved them in the shoulder. “Aspen!”
Resorting to their best weapon against her, Aspen tickled her sides. She shrieked and shoved them harder, and they nearly fell off the couch wrestling with each other. Finally, Aspen managed to get her in a headlock. “Everything with Noah’s brother and parents has really messed with him again, and we still have almost two months left in the trial relationship. I’m not going to rush anything if I don’t have to.”
Dani glared at them from under their arm. “Right, because saving the hard conversation to have until later is going to make it less hard.”
“That’s Future Aspen’s problem, and I’m assumingthatAspen is very well therapized, has helped save the dog shelter, and is entirely sure what they want for themself and their life.”
Dani went still, and Aspen released her, afraid they might have been cutting off her oxygen.
She slowly sat up, thankfully unharmed, and gave Aspen a big-sibling look. “Weren’t you supposed to be using this time to figure that out?”
“I’ve been trying! But it’s hard when the answer seems to be that I want this, but for forever. This, but without everyone asking me if I’ve figured everything out yet. This, but without constantly having to wonder if there’s going to come a point where I say something wrong, or do something wrong, or am too much, just like I was for Ethan and mom and dad–”
Their voice broke, and they closed their eyes, like maybe if they squeezed them hard enough, they actually would be alone, in a quiet, dark place where they didn’t have to face the truth: That even if they saved the dog shelter, and showed Noah how amazing sex with them, and a life with them could be, he still might decide his life was better off without them and their noise and chaos. They weren’t worried about relationship statuses or what they called each other and their relationship. They weren’t even worried about love versus being in love. All of that was just the finer details on the larger point, which was that they wanted to be with Noah, in his bed and in his heart, in whatever capacity he would have them, forever.
They were starting to feel that way about Rachel, too, which was just as terrifying. The poor little butterfly in their chest was carrying a lot of weight on its tiny back, and sometimes Aspen felt like that, too. Like they were one wrong step away from everything collapsing on top of them.
Dani gathered them up in her arms, rocking them back and forth much the way Noah often did. Aspen wasn’t sure if they were easy to read or if they’d somehow subconsciously trained both of them to stim along with them, but it was nice.
