“You will be sure to never speak those words again. They are happily in love and have been planning on tying the knot for a while; they just wanted to wait for her to finish her internship. The pregnancy is a happy surprise, and by the time they get married in February, she’ll have lost all the baby weight and the pictures will be wonderful and something they can be proud of.”
Jesus, she said it like the poor woman had no choice in the matter. She was going to have the baby, lose the baby weight, be a picture-perfect mother, and probably accept whatever job they pushed her into at Dad’s company.
“Okay,” he said, because what else was there to say. “So, February?”
She sighed again, and he was too tired to try and parse out what this one meant. He’d heard so god damn many over the years, and he was suddenly just too tired.
“Yes, your brother wanted to have it on Valentine’s Day, which is terribly gauche, but we were able to book a venue for the weekend after.”
In other words, right after the trial relationship ended.
“This is why I’ve been so insistent you get serious about your future,” she continued. “We want you to have someone to bring to the wedding. Someone who will show how far you and your brother have matured in the past few years.”
Everything that happened the past few months, from that horrid conversation over the summer to the increased number of texts and needling phone calls, slammed into him like a sledgehammer. Tears burned across the backs of his eyes, and he could actually hear his teeth creaking in his mouth. All of this stress had been because his parents wanted to try and control him, since they’d so clearly lost control of Braxton in a very big way.
On the other hand, they’d always wanted grandchildren. Noah had no real plan to provide them with those, even though they didn’t know that yet. It had also pushed him to get a therapist and had launched him on his trial journey with Aspen. Maybe this would be for the best…in the long run.
In the short run, he sort of felt like he had in second grade when he broke his arm falling off the swings. He’d landed on his arm in a way that hadn’t felt natural. Looking back, it was pretty clear he was hit with a rush of adrenaline before the pain set in, but in the moment, he’d rolled onto his back and stared up at the sky in shock that he’d managed to survive the fall at all. There had been a brief moment when he felt lucky and grateful that he’d gotten away unscathed.
“Alright, mom. I’ll see what I can do about coming home early for Christmas, and I’ll mark that weekend off on my calendar.”
“And you’ll need to tell us which nice young lady you’re bringing. I’ll need enough heads up to put her name on the program and make sure the photographer is aware he needs to get lots of photos of you two together for the town gazette. Your father has already bought out a section of the paper for the week after the wedding. It will be so nice to have some photos you won’t complain about anymore.”
And just like lying on the prickly mulch at the playground, the pain was breathtaking as it set in.
Noah didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. His mom launched into more details about the baby, and a bridal shower, and it was like Noah didn’t need to be there at all. He was just a person on the other end of the phone. A face in a photograph and a check mark on his mother’s to-do list.
He pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and fought to keep his head above water. Thankfully, he was saved when a timer went off on his phone, and he told his mom he had to make sure the turkey didn’t burn.
The timer was actually to remind them to begin roasting the vegetables, but that could wait a few minutes. He splashed cold water on his face in the bathroom before going back out to the living room.
Aspen was sitting with their legs crisscrossed in the middle seat of the sofa. They’d put their pants back on, but they were still shirtless. The trans tape they wore matched their skin tone and did an impressive job of giving them the appearance of large pecs.
He walked over and kneeled down in front of them, waiting for them to look up from their phone. It took almost a full minute, as they were clearly fixated on something, but Noahdidn’t mind waiting. He used that time to study the soft lines that had formed at the corners of Aspen’s lips from smiling so much and the small creases in their forehead from frowning. Both emotions had featured prominently in the past decade they’d known each other, but it had been almost all smiles the past few months. More often than not, it seemed like Noah was the one to put those smiles on their face.
Meanwhile, his parents didn’t seem to care if he was there or not. They just wanted a puppet or a mannequin they could stand up for wedding photos.
Aspen glanced up, and the smile that split their face was somehow exactly what he needed, and yet also more than he knew what to do with.
“Hi,” Aspen said, leaning forward until their faces were only an inch or so apart. He could count the speckles in their eyes, and maybe if he wasn’t so twisted up with hurt and want and heartbreak and love, he would.
But he needed them. Right now.
“Hi sexy,” he said, running his hands up the sides of their ribs and around to their back.
Aspen raised an eyebrow and licked their bottom lip. “Sexy, huh? You want to go another round, or can I get you this time?”
Noah pushed up off the floor, and Aspen tipped back against the back of the sofa, allowing Noah to climb on top of them. He yanked off his sweater and pressed himself up against their mostly naked chest.
“Noah?” Aspen breathed, uncertainty pitching their voice up into a question.
“My brother got a woman pregnant, and I have to go home before Christmas for the baby, and go to a wedding right after Valentine’s Day,” he said in a rush. He really didn’t want to talk about this, but Aspen deserved the context for what he was about to ask for.
“He…but…fuck,” Aspen said, running their hands up Noah’s bare back to grip his shoulders.
Noah buried his face in Aspen’s neck and pressed his hips against their stomach. He needed to be as close to them as he could be right now. He wanted to cover himself in them until all he could feel was their warm skin and grounding presence. If they had a strap on them, or even in the side table, he would have asked them to fuck him. Unfortunately, they kept everything in his room, which was a crying shame because getting fucked felt like the only thing that could get him out of his head and detangle him from the mess of frustration and pain amassing inside him.
“So, he fucked up, and somehow you have to deal with that at Christmas? Do you…need me to go with you?”
