Charlie’s other eyebrow shot upwards to meet the first.
“Jesus…” Noah said, raising both of his hands to drag down his face, only to realize they were covered in dog fur and dander. Instead, he knocked his head back against the wall and glared up at the sky. “What I’m trying to say is–”
“That you like fucking Aspen, like fucking Rachel, and want to fuck me?”
“No!” Noah exclaimed, turning sideways against the wall so he was fully facing Charlie.
Except… Now that Noah had admitted it out loud, it was hard to deny that Charliewasvery attractive. He had the kind of hair girls used to swoon over in school, and his dimples were cute in a boy-next-door sort of way. He was more masculine than anyone Noah had ever been with, but Noah didn’t really have a type. He didn’t usually start to think about someone as sexually attractive until they made it clear they were interested in him. Was…Charlie interested in him?
No, there was no way. Charlie was just trying to understand Noah’s scattered thoughts.
“That’s not what I’m trying to say,” Noah said, struggling to regain his focus. “The way I feel about Aspen hasn’t changed at all. It’s only gotten better by adding sex. Rachel is still a new friend, but I can tell she’s going to become a close friend, and having sex with her almost makes it… better? Then there’s you, and you’re one of my two best friends in the world, and we’re not having sex, but if we were, I know I’d probably feel the exact same way about you that I do about both of them.”
Charlie was squinting at him, the hand holding the tennis ball hanging limply at his side. Alfie nudged his leg with his big snout, and Charlie threw the ball without looking away from Noah.
“One more time,” Charlie said, rolling his finger in front of him. “I think you’re getting there.”
Noah wracked his brain. “I’m…confused because I feel the same about all three of you, but I’m only in a trial relationship with Aspen.”
There. Was that straightforward enough?
Charlie crossed his arms over his chest and pursed his lips. “So, basically, you’ve discovered you’re polyamorous? And have the same level of feelings for Aspen, Rachel, and me?”
Noah’s face heated up, dispelling the cold but also worsening the swirling in his brain, almost like a pot heating up to a boil. “But you and I aren’t having sex, so we’re not…polyamorous? That’s why it’s confusing?”
You make everything so difficult for yourself; you always have. You date people way outside of your circle, can’t seem to settle down, and of course, all that gender business. You and your brother just can’t seem to appreciate how easy we’ve made your lives.
Ah, there was his mom. Guess his ex-boyfriend had had enough.
Charlie kept his arms crossed but shrugged one shoulder. “Sure, but Iwouldhave sex with you. And it sort of sounded like you were saying you would have sex with me.”
A whole fishing net worth of feelings got stuck in Noah’s throat, but thankfully, Charlie’s thread was still thrumming happily, like it did anytime he was around. “I…have never really thought of you that way, until right this very moment.”
“Oh, really?” Charlie said, uncrossing his arms as Alfie bounded back up to him. He grabbed the ball and tossed it haphazardly into the opposite corner of the enclosure. “I’ve thought you were sexy as hell since the first day we met. You just never made any advances, so I didn’t either.”
Noah wanted to sit down. Possibly with his head between his knees. His mom was right. How had he somehow made his life even more confusing in the span of ten minutes?
He covered his face with his hands, not caring about the distinct doggy smell.
“Noah,” Charlie said, and there was a rumble in his voice Noah had never heard before. Or maybe he’d just never noticed? Was it…a good rumble? Or was Charlie upset with him?
When Noah didn’t respond–because he couldn’t respond–Charlie called to him again. “Peanut, come here.”
That he could do. His legs were working fine; it was just his jaw that wouldn’t unclench, and his throat that felt clogged up tight.
He shoved off the wall, walking on stiff legs over to his best friend. He tried to remind himself of some of the things his therapist had taught him thus far. He trusted Charlie wholeheartedly. That meant that if Charlie was mad, Noah trusted they would talk it out, and Charlie wouldn’t hold it over his head, guilt him, or shame him. Those were tactics his parents used, but not something Charlie had ever done to him. He would give it to Noah Gordy Simple, and they would get through whatever mess Noah had inadvertently created.
Noah stopped about a foot in front of Charlie, allowing Alfie to slot in between them as he returned with the ball. This time, Charlie grabbed it and threw it over near Gordon. Alfie bounded over to him, overjoyed by the excuse to play with the larger dog.
Charlie closed the distance between them and grabbed Noah by the back of the neck, pressing their foreheads together. For the first time, Noah really appreciated how big Charlie’s hand was. His fingers wrapped halfway around Noah’s neck, and the calluses scraped against Noah’s skin in a way that caused a prickling sensation in his stomach. His smell was familiar, and where Noah’s blush had flustered him earlier, the warmth of Charlie’s forehead against his was soothing.
“Listen here, peanut. I’m going to make this Gordy Simple for you.”
Noah nodded desperately against his forehead.
“You love Aspen, you love me, and you think you may come to love Rachel.”
Noah nodded again.
