Oh my God, give me a break. When is the last time I even talked to Omari? He’s texted a few times since he last stayed at my place, but they’ve all gone unanswered. I silence the call. “Thanks,” I murmur.
“Don’t feel like talking tonight?”
“Not really.”
“How come?”
I sigh. “We don’t have anything to talk about, really.”
There’s only one person my body is humming for and I’m royally fucking up my chances there.
“Why can’t you tell him you’re not interested, then? I can’t see you being in a relationship with a finance bro, no offense.”
“I can’t see me being in a relationship with anyone,” I exhale.
That stops him in his tracks. “What?”
Our eyes meet and I hold strong. “I just don’t see the point. I’m never gonna fall in love, so why waste someone’s time, and my own, just to say I’m in a relationship?”
His frown grows deeper. “So, you’re saying you don’t believe in love?”
“No, I believe in love. I see it every day when I look at my parents. Even when I look at Rome and Nelle. I know it’s out there. I just don’t think it’s out there for me.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I don’t think I’m capable of letting my guard down enough to find it.”
The city of Chicago looks up at me from my hotel room window and I smile before lifting my head to let the sun’s rays kiss my cheek. The view is beautiful and the bed is luxuriously comfortable. I roll my neck and put on the complimentary hotel robe before stepping out of my room in search of coffee.
We retreated to our rooms pretty quickly after the Omari conversation last night, so I wasn’t expecting for him to be sitting on the couch sketching this early.
“Good morning.” I try to keep my eyes off his shirtless frame.
His grin tells me I’ve failed. “Morning. Was the bed everything you dreamed of?”
“And then some.”
“Great.”
“You think we should go look at the house today?” I’m both excited and nervous to see it. To see a life Tanya almost had here. If she had taken that job and married Roger, we wouldn’t be sitting here today. We never would’ve met Tanya to begin with.
“Actually, if you don’t mind staying another day, I thought we could go look at the house tomorrow,” he says.
“Oh, sure. Is there something else we need to do today?”
“Not ‘we.’” The phrase adds another foot of distance to the flimsy bridge between us. “I was gonna go out and take some pictures. Just to clear my head.”
And now I feel like shit. I’ve probably given him so much whiplash because my body and my head can’t get on the same fucking page. I don’t argue. He needs his space and all I can do is give him that.
Hours later, he’s still not back. I’ve been confined to these walls all day. I could’ve spent the day out, and maybe I should have, but I moved my body from the couch only when room service arrived.
My mind is crowded with thoughts of Micah. Where is he? Is he out with someone? Is he even coming back tonight?
Stop holding yourself back from all the things you want. Just let go. Let go of all your inhibitions.
Slowly, I trail my fingers down my body, imagining they’re Micah’s calloused hands.
A moan escapes my lips the moment my fingers make contact with my nipple. I tweak it until it starts to pebble.
