“I don’t know if I can handle any more emotions today, but lead the way,” I say.
It takes us a minute to reachArt Imitates Lifeas we become enthralled in other exhibitions along the way.
When I first met Tanya, she would bring me here often, letting me appreciate the many artists displayed there, but it was discovering how she curated each exhibition that inspired me to open Spring House. Tanya didn’t make art, but she was an artist all the same. I can’t walk by and not absorb her talent one last time.
Dani stops suddenly, making me crash into her back. I understand why the moment I register what I’m seeing.
Tanya is in theArt Imitates Lifecollection. There are screens across the installation showing photos and videos of her throughout her life.
The videos are clearly home movies, most of them from her time with George. Visually they’re wonderful on their own, but there are headphones stationed at each screen so you can also hear the audio.
Dani approaches the first screen, cautiously grabbing the headphones and submerging herself into Tanya’s past.
I move onto the next one, diving in with both feet.
“George is actually one of the most frustrating men I’ve ever met,” Tanya says with authority.
From behind the camera, George says, “Tell them you love me, baby.”
She hides her smile behind her hand. “I’ll do no such thing.”
The camera shifts and George appears on screen, wrapping Tanya up in his arms and lifting her off the ground as she screams in false panic.
“George Basil Holden, you put me down!” she demands.
His boisterous laugh echoes across their backyard as he spins her one more time before putting her down.
He keeps his hand planted around her waist and she leans into his touch.
“Tell the people why you’re pretending to be mad at me,” he says, adoration in his eyes.
She scoffs and turns to the camera. “This man here put a baby in me and that was not part of the plan.”
He throws his head back with laughter. “But are you happy?”
Her hand grazes her stomach, settling protectively over it. Her smile beams up at him. “Profusely.”
I snatch the headphones off of my ears. Tanya was pregnant? Did she have a child we didn’t know about? Endless questions circle me like sharks. I look over to Dani, who seems to be engulfed in a happy vision of Tanya.
The light hits the plaque under the screen I just watched, catching my attention. It reads, “If I’d known then what I know now, would it have changed anything?”
I don’t know what to make of this. Dani removes her headphones and walks over to me. She looks so peaceful that I hesitate to hand her this pair, but Tanya wanted us to see everything.
I grab Dani’s hand and squeeze before placing the headphones in her palm and moving on to the next video.
This time I read the plaque first and it says “Lorraine.”
A young Tanya sits in front of a camera.
Her eyes are puffy with tears, the only indication that something is wrong despite her perfectly styled hair, makeup, and blouse.
“George loves his videos, so I thought I’d try this. I’ve tried to be strong. I really have. But I keep seeing all the blood. The blood that seeped from my body and told us our baby was in danger. I keep remembering the moment everything went black. She was so still in my stomach, and I knew right then that she was gone.” She buries her face in her hands, eventually running her hands up to grip the roots of her hair tightly.
“I know she wasn’t planned, but I wanted her. Why did you give her to me if you were just gonna snatch her away?” she asks the empty room, knowing she won’t get an answer. “Why did you give me the experience of childbirth just so I could hold her lifeless body in my arms? I don’t understand. I will never understand.”
She blows out a harsh breath and picks up a makeup brush. She looks past the camera into a mirror, dabbing under her eyes.
The door behind her opens and a downtrodden George walks in. The two of them make eye contact before Tanya jumps from her seat and rushes to George’s side. They slide to the floor, holding each other.
