“Okay, good. I’m asking you not to. Honestly, I’m not even mad anymore, but my feelings are hurt. He’s pissed me off with his hovering waysbefore, but that was the first time he’s made me feel small. And I don’t know how we come back from that.”
Injured pride can be hard to overlook. Especially when the one who deals the killing blow is someone who’s supposed to be in your corner. It’s a wound that never heals quite the same as it was before, but with the proper care, the scar can be minimal.
“Look, I can’t tell you what to do. But I can say that I know you love each other very much and your bond is worth fighting for.”
She swallows hard, her arms hugging her stomach. “I’m gonna go. I gotta meet up with Justin to prep for class.” She thanks me for my thoughts with a hug then turns to Nisha. “Call me later?”
Nisha nods and Bailey grazes her hand with her pinky before leaving.
I squint at Nisha, folding my arms over my chest.
She lets out a small huff. “No comment.”
I press my lips together to hide a smile. “Mhm. Okay, fine.”
“Actually, I’ll tell you if you tell me what’s up with you and Micah.”
“Okay,” I say, shrugging my shoulders back.
She hunches over. “Damn, I thought you’d tell me to fuck off. Okay, I changed my mind.” She closes her laptop and attempts to run from her chair.
“Nah uh, get over here! Come hear about all the fantastic sex I’m having!” I yell as I chase her down.
Signing up to lay myself bare and confront my ugliest truths is probably the wildest thing I’ve ever done.
And what do I get at the end of it? Personal growth? Yippee.
Dr. Goode and I have hit our stride in our relationship. We work well together in the sense that even when I feel a bit raw after our sessions, I never leave feeling broken.
Sometimes, though, on days like today, the realizations make me wish I had never opened this can of worms.
“So, you think the argument you had with Amerie the other day was silly?”
I blow out a harsh breath. “Not at all. I just think it’s silly that I should have to explain to someone who’s supposed to be my best friend that this event is important to me and her planning a trip at the same time is rude and inconsiderate.” I wouldn’t think I’d need to tell her that this event I’ve been planning for months in honor of my dead mentor should probably take precedence over a trip she just started planning when she could have picked any other time. The more I think about the conversation we had yesterday, the more mad I get. She had the audacity to say, “It’s just a party.”
My feet are tired from pacing around the office, but I need to dispel this energy somehow.
“I see you’re taking deep breaths to re-center yourself. Why?”
That gives me pause. “What do you mean ‘why’? Shouldn’t I be trying to calm down? Not be so angry?”
“Sure, but you haven’t given yourself a chance to simply be angry first.”
“I don’t wanna hold on to that, though.”
“Let me ask you a question.”
Questions from the Goode doctor are never fun. Questions from her always make me question myself. “Yeah?”
“I’ve noticed that when it comes to your friendships with Janelle and Evelyn, you all seem to have a system where you hold each other accountable. When you fight, you process it and move on. But when it comes to Amerie, you go out of your way not to hold her bad behavior against her. I’m curious why that is.”
That’s less of a question, more of an observation, but go off. “Well, I wouldn’t say I go out of my way not to. I hold her accountable.” I was theone who talked to her after her wedding and told her she was wrong and needed to make things right with Nelle.
“I didn’t say you don’t hold her accountable. I said you don’t hold her bad behavior against her. It’s like you feel bad about yourself when you’re mad at her, even when your anger is justified.”
I freeze. My feet meld themselves to the floor, wanting to run away from what’s coming but knowing I can’t. I do feel bad about myself when I’m mad at Amerie. She frustrates me because there’s a familiarity I see in her, and I hate when she holds that mirror up to my face.
Slowly, I deflate into my chair. “I don’t wanna be like her.”
