I couldn’t let my mom give up the center and watch her and Bailey stretch themselves thin, so I took over. I moved Bailey in with me to keep an eye on her. I took her to doctor after doctor, fighting with everyone who tried to turn us away. I stayed up all hours of the night, letting Baileycry on my shoulders because she thought her dreams of becoming a dancer were being stripped away.
And through all of that, it never seemed right to tell Dani what was going on. With her, I felt pure bliss. Long distance was challenging, confined to mere phone calls and texts, and I didn’t want to spend what little time we had drowning her in my fears.
By the time Bailey was diagnosed, Dani had long removed herself from my life. It’s been weeks since Dani learned about Bailey’s MS and I had no idea Bailey was harboring these emotions, but I feel awful.
I tell Bailey all this and her posture relaxes with every word.
“That makes sense,” she says.
“Did you think I was embarrassed of you or some shit?” I ask incredulously.
“A little.” She shrugs when I balk at the ridiculous suggestion. “I mean I remember you telling me about Dani. You never said as much, but you had it bad. I’ve never seen you like that. You were prepared to move to New York just to give the two of you a real shot and I remember being jealous that I wasn’t gonna see my brother every day. And when you came home, you talked about her less and less, then not at all. You never told me why things ended between you, but I was sad because you had been doing so much for me, and then you lost the thing that was just for you.”
I never told her because I didn’t want her to blame herself. It wasn’t her fault, or Dani’s. It was mine.
“Part of me was mad at her because I thought she left you when you really needed someone on your side, but when she looked so lost after I brought up my MS, I was mad at you. I thought you were trying to hide it from her.”
“Bailey, I’m not embarrassed of you or your MS. It’s simply a part of what makes you, you. I was just scared back then.” To be honest, I’m still scared. She’s been in remission for a while and her treatment seems to be slowing the progression of the disease, but still, it’s unpredictable. It looks different for everyone, so there’s no way to tell what this diseasewill look like for her years from now. The uncertainty terrifies me more than the disease itself.
“Okay,” she says. “Good. That makes me feel better.”
“You have nothing to worry about. At least not about that, because Iamembarrassed of that big ass head you carry around. How’s that thing even stay on your shoulders?” I smack her forehead the way I used to when she was younger.
She smacks my hand with a chuckle. “Fuck you. At least my eyebrows don’t make me look like Krillin.”
“Nah, you’re just giving Temu Rihanna in the forehead.”
“Temu?!” she screeches.
We roast each other some more until she starts getting sleepy, so I fix her some tea and resume our episode ofOne Piece.
When she falls asleep, I pull myself out of my chair to start cleaning.
“Hey, Chopper?” Bailey calls. Her eyes are closed and her voice is dreamlike.
“Yeah, Franky?”
“I like Dani a lot.” She murmurs something else I can’t understand and then fades back to sleep.
Me too, sis. Me too.
Me: Can I come over?
Dani: Absolutely
I’m pleasantly surprised by Dani’s response. It’s one thing to spend time together, just the two of us, when we’re in a different state where nobody knows us, but it’s something different when we’re home. It’s a step in the direction of everything I’ve been wanting.
She’s made it very clear where she stands: she’s only willing to give me her body, so I’m prepared to meet her where she’s at. Tonight, however, I’m only after one thing: her friendship.
After spending the afternoon with Bailey, I want to get a few things off my chest and clear the air. I hope Dani’s willing to give me that.
She opens her door in a silk pajama dress that accentuates her every curve. She was definitely looking for more benefits, less friendship tonight.
“Come inside,” she says, her voice heavy with implications.
I accept the sultry kiss she plants on my lips, but I stop her from lifting my shirt.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
