She sets her can down on Asher’s dresser and places her hands on her hips. “You’re human. I assure you, you do. Even when you ignore them.”
No longer steady on my feet, I sink onto the end of the bed. “It’s just—the other day, I was teasing him about a girl at work being into him, and suddenly he was hardcore insisting that girls don’t think he’s a catch, which is just—”
“Idiotic?”
“Yes! Thank you. So, I told him that if I was normal, I’d be all over him, and he said he didn’t believe me and thinks one day I’ll fall in love, and it will basically fix all my emotional wounds. Then he said he’s definitely not that person.”
Ali blinks a few times. “So, let me get this straight. He called out how you pretend you have the emotional depth of a teaspoon, then told you he isn’t gonna be the one to fix that for you, and that makes you... melancholy?”
“I’m not melancholy! That’s such a stupid word.”
She pulls her face into an I-don’t-believe-you sneer.
“It’s just... later that night, he talked about a lot of stuff that he’s never told me before. Like, insecurities I never knew he had, and I started to... I don’t know. Things are different now.”
“I think you’ve caught feelings.”
I scowl at the floor. “Caught them? They aren’t contagious. This isn’t Covid.”
She laughs. “You probably think it’s worse than Covid, don’t you?”
“It will pass.” I look up, desperate for her to agree. “He’s my best friend. I can’t—”
“Can’t what? Take a chance on something?”
“It’s not that. We— We’re just friends. That’s all he wants to be. That’s all I want to be.”
“Jossy, what do I always say?” She runs her finger along Asher’s dresser, then snaps up her drink.
I groan. “Ali—”
She whirls on me. “Ah, ah! What do I say?”
My shoulders fall.“Nothing is more believable than the lie you tell yourself.”
“Exactly. If you hide your feelings behind friendship, you’re lying to himandyourself.”
I drop my voice to a whisper, suddenly afraid someone else might hear, even though the house is silent. “Maybe it doesn’t matter how I feel because he straight up told me he’s not my person.”
Her dubious expression is on point today. “Aren’t you doing engagement photos with him tomorrow?”
“Fakeengagement photos.”
“Eh. I don’t know, girl. Kind of seems like there’s a chance he’s interested. What kind of man would agree to do engagement photos or pay for a trip to Florida with a woman he’s not interested in?”
“Asher.Thatkind of man. He’d do anything for his friends. He’s not interested in me. Trust me.”
That idiotic tugging in my chest won’t let up.
Ali shrugs. “You can’t know unless you ask.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because the last guy I loved died, Ali.” The words explode from me, far too loud. “Did you forget about that?”
Her face falls. “Joss, that was sixteen years ago.”
