I can’t leave. Need to face my demons like a... non-milksop.
You guys are all right, you know?
Brandon:Just a phone call away. You know that.
Kyle:You’re the pink Starburst.
Kyle:Don’t let anyone tell you different.
Kyle:Also NASCAR rulez
Lol.
Iamthe pink Starburst. Lead with that confidence, and I can do anything.
Decide to pull up Gabriela’s contact info before I second-guess myself. My last text from her was that day she sprayed a grandma with cord blood. She apologized via text approximately seven thousand times. I crack up all over again at the memory.
This is Chanel, child. I assure you, I am hurt.
Classic.
You still interested in that dinner?
I set my phone down, but it dings before I return to my computer.
Absolutely.
Friday?
Sounds good
Send me your address. I’ll pick you up at 7
Jocelyn
You have an entire meadow in your heart you’ve watered with fear, but loneliness makes an ugly garden.
—My Therapist
Several days after we return from Florida, profound worry has sunken its claws in me.
I think I’ve lost Asher. He won’t talk to me, not like he used to. He still smiles—mostly. Still chats. But something’s different. Colder.
And why wouldn’t it be?
I’m in love with you.
My entire body breaks out in a cold sweat every time I remember the way his voice sounded when he said those words. Resonant and resigned. Dejected. Like he knew before I even spoke what my response would be.
But of course that was my response.
I can’t.
I just... can’t.
Dispirited in the OR physician lounge on Thursday, I stare between the vinyl blinds to the outdoor courtyard a floor below. It’s noon, so nurses eating lunch have taken most of the tables. I have no appetite, but the cozy scent of brewing coffee on the other side of the room does draw my attention.
Cassie stands at the brew station. Becauseof courseshe does. My week couldn’t get worse, so let’s throw her in the mix, too. Her painted nails tap on the laminate countertop while the brown liquid fills the pot before her.
