I ask anyway. “What— What about last night?”
She scratches her nose and looks away. “Do you think... maybe we... acted a little rashly?”
I back up and zero in on the tight angles of her jaw, thetiny, telling twitches of her mouth. “Honestly? No. We’ve been heading this way all summer.”
Expressionless, she cocks her head. “But we talked about this. We agreed that we want different things.”
“No.Youdeclared that you don’t do relationships, so you didn’t want me.”
She lets out a short sigh. “It’s not that I didn’t want you, Asher. I just... I don’tdothis.”
Glad I didn’t drink that coffee. It’d be turning to lead in my gut right now. I stare at her, trying to find any hints of emotion, but she’s a blank wall. She’s raised her guard so high that even now, having been inside her body and watched her fall apart, I can’t tell if last night meant anything to her. She’s a fucking mystery in a shiny, tempting package. A Pandora’s box set on tormenting me.
How can this be happening with her?
Please not with her.
Literallyanyonebut her.
“Then what was this?” I point at the bed.
“A mistake. You’re my best friend. That’s so much more important than just... casual sex.”
Casual?
I freeze at that word. Must tamp down the frigid, zero-degree-Kelvin pain that word instills. Running a hand over the back of my neck doesn’t help, but I try to collect myself. To speak calmly. “This... This wasn’t casual for me. I’m confused why you thought it was.”
She says nothing. Her gaze strays to the bathroom door like she’s searching for an escape.
I lean that way, try to put myself in her sight line, but it’s useless. She won’t look at me.
“Just to be clear,” I say, “I, um, I didn’t think this was casual for you, either. Was I wrong?”
“Sorry.” She shakes her head. “I just meant... You’re more important to me than sex. And I think curiosity got the better of us last night. We weren’t thinking.”
I was thinking.
A lot.
About us. About love. About how good we could be if she’d let us.
Maybe she wasn’t thinking, but I’ve never thought about something so much in my life. Stupid of me to assume she’d actually considered it and decided on me. No, she wascurious. Something beneath the ice starts up a steady, aching throb. An axe splitting my insides into tiny pieces.
“So—” I slip my hands into my pockets “—you were just scratching an itch? Nothing more?”
She smiles, allYes! Puzzle solved!“Exactly! It’s like test-driving cars, you know? You try the Lambo because you’re curious, even though you know it’s only for fun. You’re my Lamborghini.”
Ha.
Oh, my god. Did she just say that? Out loud?
Should I be flattered? Because the extreme level of insult stings like a thousand fire ants poured over my flesh.
Only for fun?
I drag my teeth over my lip in an effort to say nothing. Can’t stop the words from forming, though. “Just— Just so we’re clear.Youare notonly for funfor me. You’re more than that—”
“I know.” The relief on her face makes no sense. “We are so much better than this. We can go back to how it was. This? It’s nothing. A silly mistake. It’s not serious.”
