A couple beats pass before I pull myself together and meet her at the bar. She hands me a glass of champagne and shoots the evil eye at the bartender. “No hard liquor until later, apparently.”
The man shrugs as if to say,Notmy decision.
Over in the corner, a DJ fires up a playlist of dinner jazz and invites the guests to help themselves to hors d’oeuvres.
“Yes, please!” Joss grabs my hand and hauls me over to the food table. She loads a plate with bacon-wrapped dates, Caprese skewers, crab cakes, stuffed crescent rolls and about a dozen other things I don’t recognize.
Smiling, she holds a mini quiche to my mouth. “Open.”
And I obey. Even though I’ve lost my appetite. Because the acid has finally gnawed away my entire stomach.
“You’re a professional grazer,” I say once I swallow the food that tastes like rubber and salt.
She nods. “This is why it’s here, Asher. To eat.”
With an unsubtle nudge, I maneuver Joss and her overfull plate away. “Yes. Foreveryoneto eat. Not just you.”
At our assigned table, she scarfs down the food while we wait for the happy couple. A few strangers take the other chairs, nodding polite greetings. After a while, the DJ interrupts the music to announce the buffet opening. Grace and Julian enter with the wedding party, and a line forms to congratulate them.
Jocelyn slumps back in her chair, hand over her belly. “I might be too full for dinner right now. Should we go say hi to them before we drink more?”
“Sure.” I stand and offer a hand, but halfway there, Joss stops me with a gentle tug. I glance at her, eyebrows lifted.
“Hey,” she says, “you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” How could she tell?
I’m not okay. I don’t know why, but I’m really not okay.
“You sure?” She steps closer and lowers her voice so the strangers milling around us won’t hear. “I know this weekend has been hard for you but remember what we talked about. You’re awesome. Nothing about you is lacking.”
Really wish she’d stop saying such nice things. Makes it hard to remember she doesn’t want me. Should I hope for the black hole again? Just swallow me up. No more Asher.
It takes effort, but I shake my head. “I’m really fine.”
“I hate seeing you like this,” she whispers. “And I—I feel like I’m failing at being your best friend. Whatever you need, I’m there. You know I’d do anything for you.”
And there it is.
The moment.
The line crossed.
The point of no return.
I’d do anything for you.
I am in love with her.
This woman who’s afraid of love. The one who rejected me, point-blank. The one who’s too afraid of pain to take a chance on me.
I love her.
Terrible thing, really. Can’t foresee any good coming of this.
I’m really, truly, definitely not okay.
But I stretch my mouth into a smile because it’s what she wants. Because it will make her happy. “I don’t need anything, sugar cookie. I’m fine. Really.”
