“Ha. Right? You would destroy him anyway.”
That catches my attention. I look over while she holds up a pale blue number I veto with a quick shake of my head. “Destroy him?”
“Yeah.” She hangs up the dress and slurps more of her smoothie. “That boy is not fling material.”
Confusion washes over me, alongside a fair bit of insult. “And Iamfling material?”
Her head cocks, and a little line forms between the delicate wings of her eyebrows. “Isn’t that what you prefer to be?” She moves quickly to my side. “I didn’t mean that you’re, like... worse in some way. I just meant that you only do flings, and he doesn’t do them at all. So he’d end up getting hurt. You wouldn’tactuallydestroy him.”
My hackles lower. “Oh.”
“Shit. I feel like I messed up.” Her voice grows panicky. “It’s all theoretical anyway. You guys are just friends. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I laugh, though I think an invisible band has wrapped around my chest because it’s getting harder to breathe. “It’s okay, Yayoi. Chill.”
“You’re any kind of material you want to be, Joss. You’re the best. You can be that fancy wool that’s only made from sheep in the Andes or whatever.”
“Yayoi.” I grip her other arm to stop the spiral. “It’s okay.”
She takes a deep breath and sticks the straw in her mouth, sucking deep. “Sorry. I know you’re a little sensitive about that stuff.”
“About what stuff?”
She motions her cup toward my general person. “The anti-relationship stuff.”
The tension releases completely from my shoulders. “Ah. Yes. That.”
“It’s okay to want to be single. You know I support you one hundred percent, right?”
“Yeah, I know.” A smile tugs at my mouth. Affection, deep and true, dawns inside me.
Oh, no. Is this another wall crumbling to pieces? How much should I panic that they’re falling at such an alarming rate? Because my gut instinct saysa lot. All the panic. Infinity panic.
She returns the smile. “Good.”
“I think I’ll try on the gold dress.” I step away from her to grab my size, ignoring the thick feeling in my throat like it wants to close and never reopen.
She gives me a thumbs-up. “Good choice.”
In the dressing room, I twist back and forth before the mirror. The flattering overhead lamps play like fairy lights against the gold. In this dress, I’m magical. Ethereal.
My phone buzzes in my purse. An EverX notification lights up my screen—a message from a new match. I sigh and throw the device back into my purse, message unread.
It isn’t fun anymore. I don’t want these meaningless men, and that in itself is enough to raise the alarm. Because it only means I want something different. Something deeper. Deep enough to drown if I’m not careful.
I can’t traverse these waters. Not safely. I’ve been wading in the shallows so long, I’ve forgotten how to swim, and there’s no life raft in the ocean of life. It’s sink or swim. I’m a little peeved that one kiss from Asher Foley has thrown all my long-held beliefs into disarray.
What do I have to do to reassemble them?
I stare at the dress. This perfect golden dress with its perfect golden shimmer that I’ll wear for the perfect golden man.
Why am I going to this wedding? We need space to undo the damage of that kiss, notmoretime together. Since thenight he sent that text—Maybe for you—everything in me is screaming this is a mistake, but I can’t ghost him now. He’s counting on me, and that matters more than my own psychological hang-ups.
I will go to this wedding with Asher, and I’ll wear this lovely, stupid gold dress, but I refuse to allow it to blur the lines of our friendship any more than they already are.
I can maintain boundaries. I’ve been doing it for years. What harm could a single weekend do?
Asher
