“Exactly. The only doctor is me. The only equipment is my eyeballs,” he said, and she barely paused before answering. No assessing her words from all angles first. No preparing for any possible attack. Just straight out with it.
“Couldn’t you at least use a small telescope? Or maybe a jeweler’s loupe?”
“So the hospitals aren’t accessible but somehow I have a thing that assesses whether diamonds are real?” He shook his head, full of an impressive amount of faux sorrow. “I’m disappointed in you, Emmett. Usually you’re the one insisting on the verisimilitude of the zombie apocalypse.”
“You think your eyes doing a Bugs Bunnyawoogaand then going up my butt is a greater level of verisimilitude than inserting a tiny magnifying thing?” she asked, then caught the curl of his lip he had tried to hide. More than a curl, it seemed like. “Were you going to laugh then, motherfucker?”
“Of course not. I amfuriousright now.”
“About the Bugs thing, or the topic at hand?” she asked, but even as she did she was changing her mind.“You know what, don’t answer that. I know you’re just trying to pick a different, sillier fight so you can distract me from said topic at hand.”
“I don’t even remember what the topicwas.”
“You probably trying to justify sleeping in a stairwell.”
“Actually I was thinking of the balcony,” he said, and pointed at the drawn burgundy curtains behind her. As if seeing where it was would help anything he was saying make sense.
“Because dying of hypothermia is gonna help us with this.”
“Well, you know, when I’m dead I won’t have to do any of it anymore.”
Don’t say that, she wanted to say automatically. In fact, it almost just kicked right out of her.Like it had with him, she thought,like he did when you talked about walking into the ocean. Though somehow, that just made it feel weirder.
She had to switch to frustration at the last second.
“You were the one who said we should. You were the one who said we could do it. Thatyoucould do it. Now suddenly you’re having second thoughts over a slightly unexpected bump in the road?” she asked, as sassy as she could be about it.
And he bought it, thank god.
“The bump is more than that and you know it. I saw you panic down there.”
“Yeah, but not because I thought we might accidentallygropeeach other.”
She pulled a face ongrope, just to really drive it home.
Though it only seemed to slow him down. To puzzle him enough to stop and frown. “What, then? What are you worried about if we do this? What do you think will happen? I see you flossing wrong, and complain about it? You read a book I think is terrible, and I say so? I told you I’m not gonna do things like that. Because…” He paused, like he was considering. Though she had no idea what the consideration was about. All he came out with, after what felt like forever, were a few pretty reasonable, if hesitant-sounding, words. “Because I’m… I’m practicing. Yeah, I’m practicing being… you know. Just sort of… gentle, with you.”
Though she did notice the weird way he saidgentle.
Sort of faint, like something he couldn’t bear to put force behind.
“You don’t seem so certain about that,” she said, and he winced.
“Yeah, well, I’m not sure if I can do it right. I’m not sure how it will look.”
“Little rusty, huh. All those big evil dogs that live with you in your prepper compound not really in much need of a hug, I guess.”
She gave him a look.
He gave her exasperation.
One hand palm down, ruling a line through the air.
“Okay, first of all, there are no big evil dogs.”
“So little nice ones, then.”
“No ones at all, damn it.”
