It was the most unsettling thing she had ever seen in her life. Even though she’d watched magic come out of her the day before, then split a creature that shouldn’t exist in two. And even stranger than that: she didn’t want to gasphoworoh my godorwhat the fuck.
She wanted to explain herself.
“Now, just you wait a minute. Jack isnotan oaf,” she said.
But Popcorn wasn’t having any of it. Hescoffed. He turned his back on her.
“You say that, and yet he emerged from your den of iniquity wearing only his unbuttoned jeans. His hairy stomach was on full display. I saw hisfeet. I should not have to suffer such harrowing sights, no matter what apologies and feasts follow.”
“So he said sorry to you.”
“He may have.”
“And then he fed you.”
“That is irrelevant to the point. No enormous quantities of delicious bacon can make up for his unbrushed mop of hair or his slurping from the tap or the cigarette he had hanging from his mouth when he returned from outside after what I can only assume was him doing his business,” her dog said, sniffily.
Her dog. He said it. In a sniffy manner.
And now she had to somehowreasonwith him.
“Popcorn, come on. He doesn’t do his business outside.”
“How do you know? You weren’t there. You were in here, reclining on your bed of sexual excess.” He tossed a disgusted look over his shoulder at said bed.
She wasn’t even sure how he did it. He didn’t even have a neck.
“I think maybe you’re more annoyed about that than his feet and cigarettes.”
“I resent such a suggestion. My concern is purely for his character.”
“Come on. We both know it isn’t. You liked him before,” she insisted, after which he fell silent. Stubbornly silent, it seemed like to her. And apparently she knew her dog well enough just from her life with him before this—before he found his voice—to understand that much.
Because after a moment he turned and flung himself into her arms.
“He defiled you, Mother. In my earshot. I shall never be the same again.” He sobbed as he buried his face in the crook of her elbow. She had to ruffle between his ears just to get him to calm down. Though she had no idea how she managed, while so not calm herself.
It felt as if she were holding her dreams in her arms.
And her dreams were manifesting in a very strange, almost mundane sort of way. Like a TV drama about minor betrayals between loved ones. Spectacular, she thought, but also somehow so ordinary at the same time. A soap opera suddenly mixed with a fantasy series about flying whales.
All of which sounded bad, she knew.
But truthfully it was even better than she’d ever imagined or remembered from childhood. She had a real relationship with this fantastical talking animal. And now she could comfort him with her words. He could understand what she said. “Well, you’ve got that right,” she murmured. “I mean, now you can apparently speak.”
“What do you mean? I could always speak. I am your familiar, it is the way of things. You just couldn’t hear me until now.”
“Yeah, and why is that?”
“I am not going to give him the credit, if that’s what you mean. He has become my enemy now. I shall loathe him until the day I die. Nothing can move me from my vendetta against him; I shall not rest until—” he ranted, little squat face turned up to hers, eyes still teary.
Then they heard Jack from the kitchen.
“Hey, doggo, you want some of these tater tots?” he hollered. And Popcorn didn’t even have enough pride to hesitate. He heard the words and just fully reverted to the dog she had always known. He started wagging his tail. His face broke into that doggy grin. He even whimpered happily before flinging himself off the bed and charging toward the kitchen.
It was incredible. It was heart-stopping. Suddenly she was the girl in the fantasy novel with a talking animal friend. And that wasn’t even the only thing that got her right in the feels, as she clambered out of bed and stuffed herself into the nearest one of Jack’s plaid shirts she could find.
No—there was also the thing she noticed once she’d gotten the last button.
