Don’t, she told herself. But she had to. She had to.
“Maybe I could break this pact somehow. With magic. I mean, if you’re worried about it, and it’s dangerous for everyone involved, and it could make bad things happen. I could stop it,” she said. Quickly, before she could convince herself it was rotten to talk him out of being with someone else.
But then he said:
“Lord, I wish that were possible.”
And oh, the way her heart lifted.
“You do?”
“OfcourseI do.”
“So you don’t… I mean, do you actually…”
Okay, definitely stop now, she thought.He’s not going to give you the answer you want. He’s already told you she’s the best person ever, and that there’s no one above her. He’s not about to change his mind because you were nice to him or you have some kind of slight lusty connection. So be cool.
Though she couldn’t help noticing that he didn’t seem to be.
His back was turned, but she could see he stopped what he was in the middle of doing. She could see every muscle in his shoulders tensing through that thin robe. Something on the stove started to catch, and he didn’t do a thing about it. In fact it took him a full minute before he replied, in this halting kind of way.
“I just want what’s best. And right now, that’s not it. If any attempt was made to break it, yes, I would be free of it. But she probably wouldn’t be.Youwouldn’t be, honey. Bad things would happen to you afterward, and I’m not confident right now that I could keep protecting you from them in those particular circumstances. Or that you could protect yourself from them, if it came to it.”
“I already did, though. I did something.”
“Not enough for my liking. Now eat your food.”
He set a plate down in front of her on the end of the sentence. Like a piece of punctuation that saidend of discussion. And it was firm enough that she almost caved. But then she processed what he was saying—again, so much like he didn’t want to be in this. Like he was only staying in it because people were in danger.
And she didnotlike that.
That was not the same as simply letting someone be free.
“What if I just practice? If I try to get better at protecting myself? I mean, I’m going to have to anyway,” she tried, and that seemed to get him a little. He paused, forkful of cake halfway to his lips. Then he eyed her over the top of it. Considering, considering, considering, in a way that made her cross her fingers under the table.
Come on, just give me this, she thought at him.
“All right,” he said, finally. “Let’s see what you got.”
A test, she knew. But she couldn’t help being eager to do it anyway. She fumbled that notepad from her pocket, and the pen, andclicked the button on it. Then just let the tip hover over the paper. One eye on him, like maybe he’d give her a sign if she was about to accidentally blow things up.
But he just folded his hands together over his plate of cake.
He waited, and watched her, for whatever she could come up with.
And it kind of made her want to show him.Once Jack is free, keep everyone safe from harm, she scribbled, all in a hot rush. Most of her feeling good about it when she did. ButChrist, the second she got to the end of the sentence.
A sound just blared out abruptly, loud enough to fill the kitchen.
Like the buzzer in a quiz when you got something wrong.
“Oh my god, are you serious? Where didthatcome from?” she asked, her heart still racing from the sheer rude suddenness of it. Then she looked at him, and his expression was purestI told you so.
“From you, honey. That’s you telling you that you made the wrong choice.”
“So it’s not just that the universe is some big ridiculous game show.”
“Well, yeah, it is, but in this case that’s just how you’re interpreting things.”
