“Something like that, I don’t really remember. I don’t remember a lot of things, if that helps. I’m as old as the universe, andmostly all I’ve got in my head right now are the memories that fit a thirty-five-year-old human man. Which might also be good for you to know, if you’re worried about the age gap between me and a human woman. I know in the romance books there’s a lot of angst about that.”
“Jack, I could give a flying Fudgsicle about age gaps. I’m worried aboutyou.”
“Don’t be. I don’t deserve it. And even if I did, I promise you I’m fine.”
“But all of that just makes it seem like you’re even more not.Don’t deserve it, Jesus. You’re a justice-seeking demon who longs to be loved. You just want to be loved and to care for someone. You care for me and I’m not even the person you want to care for, Jack,” she said, her voice a little strained as she did, her eyes stinging kind of more than she wanted them to. And they stung even more when it suddenly hit her. Hard and fast, to the point that she had to put her face in her hands. “Oh mygod,your name isn’t even Jack. It’s not Jack Jackson, of course it’s not, of course it isn’t. I’m trying to be your friend and help you and this whole time you couldn’t even tell me that.”
“Honey, hey, hey, it’s okay, stop. It’s fine, and even if it wasn’t there’s really no way for you to even pronounce what it is. I can barely pronounce it in human, and it’s my name. And believe me, when I try it soundsterrible.”
“I don’t care. I want to know.”
“No, you really don’t.”
She slapped the table.
And he sighed. He grumbled, “Can’t believe how much you’ve got me wrapped around your tiny fingers.” But he took a breath, and went ahead. Or at least, she thought he did. Because it wasn’t exactly language that came out of him. Or even really a recognizable noise. It was like… she didn’t even know how to describe it.
All she could think of was someone being bleeped out on the TV.
If the bleep was garbled feedback from a faulty radio.
And that wasn’t even the weirdest part. No—the weirdest part was what it did to the room around them. He spoke it aloud, and the lights seemed to dim. Glasses rattled in the cupboard. Somewhere from the next room, she heard the TV clunk on, andSplashstart blaring out.
Only it wasn’tSplash, exactly.
It was Tom Hanks talking backward.
Honestly, it made all the hairs on her arms stand straight up.
But she persevered. “There must be a way I can say it. Anything I can use so I can respect the real you. It’s not right that you have to be someone you’re not,” she said, then watched as his expression softened. Like he was touched, even as he had to tell her no. No, that’s not the way things are.
“You’ve got it the wrong way around, honey.”
“Oh. Oh. And by that you mean the demon—”
He nodded, slow, slow. “It’s not something I was ever very good at being. Or evenwantedto be good at being. It fit me ill, like a coat ten sizes too small. And I couldn’t say anything about it, or change, or stop it. I didn’t even know there was a possibility I could change or stop it, until I was given my human form.”
God, she thought.
Not claimed. Was given.
“So you didn’t make it yourself,” she said, and he hesitated.
Though she didn’t know whythiswas the first time he did.
It didn’t seem like much when he finally answered.
“I both chose it and was gifted it. By… by the one I’m trying to be worthy of.”
“Then she’s some kind of witch, too. She has magic, like me.”
“More than what you have now. She was—sheisverypowerful,” he said, voice so awed that she couldn’t help picturing her. Swathed in lightning, eyes like fire. Someone to match him in all his glory. It gave her a little sting of jealousy, even amongst all of this. All of this amazing stuff he was talking about—because he still was. His gaze was far away now, thinking of her. Baffled by her almost, it looked like, as he continued. “Though, honestly, I don’t think she really intended to do this. I think maybe it was mostly an accident, something she didn’t really bargain on. Something she still doesn’t understand happened in any real way. And she won’t, until I can truly live up to the faith some part of her put in me.”
“I think it’s safe to say you do.”
“Well, I’ve tried. I am trying, as hard as I can. And not just because I want to be worthy. Because the thing is, if I fail at doing this, if I don’t make it work, if I don’t become someone she could like, then—”
He cut himself off before he could finish the thought. Looked away, suddenly even tenser than he already was. But it was too late—she could somehow hear what he’d almost said anyway.Something bad will happen, she thought.Something bad will happen to me, to her, to god knows who.
