“It’s just wanting to look out for someone.”
“Right. Exactly. You care, instinctively.”
“That can’t be it. I don’t even know how I would have developed that. I wasn’t really raised like that, so it shouldn’t be innate in me. I don’t get it. I’m trying to but I don’t know, kid. If you knew everything about me—”
He cut himself off before he could go any further.
Not that he needed to, really. She understood enough.
“I don’t need to know everything. I just need to know what you do, and what you say. That’s what matters. That’s what defines you. Not some asshole family or a horrible upbringing. Your actionshere, now. Your actions when you chose to move away from them, and make something better for yourself, and for someone else. Someone who loves you. Who will love you, exactly as you are,” she said, so sure of it that she didn’t even think about how it sounded.
Or about the music that was rising to a crescendo as she did it.
Celine hit the high notes just as she spoke the wordlovealoud.
And in that moment he looked at her, all shock and something else—something she couldn’t read.Go on, his gaze seemed to say, but she couldn’t think what he wanted her to go on to. More words? More things like that? She didn’t know, and the idea of guessing made her stomach clench.
It almost made her grateful when something hit the windshield, right in the middle of that intense eye contact he was somehow doing while driving. It made him break away, and the stereo cut out abruptly, and all that weird tension just drained away.
Then they drove on, to their phony date.
CHAPTER TEN
She wished she hadn’t chosen the most romantic restaurant in town, once they were inside. But this time it wasn’t as much to do with how close they would probably have to sit together, or how soft and swoony the music was.
That was endurable. She was okay with it.
Whereas his obvious discomfort over the slick, fancy prettiness of the place? Yeah, she wasn’t okay with that. And especially now it was clear why he’d always seemed annoyed about stuff like this: it made him feel even more out of place and awkward than he already did. It made him stand out, in a way he clearly didn’t like.
He kept brushing through his hair with his hand. And smoothing down his shirt, even though it wasn’t creased at all. As if he still thought he was wearing the wrong thing, or that the things he was wearing seemed too messy. They went poorly with the entirely pink and very plush decor.
Plus she could tell how aware he was of his size. He moved between the tiny tables so carefully to get to their booth. Then when they got there, and he knocked the underside of the table with his knee, he actually cursed under his breath.
Then rolled his eyes at himself for cursing.
“Yeah, I know, I know, I’m already messing up,” he said, as he tried to mop up the water that had spilled from the jug on thetable when he’d joggled everything. Though even that bothered him after he did it.
Most likely because he’d used a corner of his shirt.
Now the shirt was wet, and the table was still moist anyway, and people were looking, they were looking, she knew he could see them looking. She could practically feel that never-ending judgment he’d endured pouring out from them and all over him. So she gave in to the first urge she had. She put a hand over the one he was using to grab a napkin. She pulled it back and gave it a squeeze. “You’re not messing up. It’s only a little bit of water. And if they don’t want it spilled they should design tables for something bigger than a potato,” she said.
He wasn’t having it, however.
“I mean, you can say that, but you aren’t struggling.”
“Of course not. I am the size of one. Look at my tiny legs next to yours.”
She lifted the tablecloth so he could see her little stumpy things. And sure enough, they looked absurd. Her feet were barely touching the ground. He could have touched that same ground beyond the table they were sitting at.
And he seemed very annoyed that he couldn’t disagree.
“Can’t believe you actually just made me look under the table and compare.”
“Because you know it makes sense. Now let’s focus on having a good time.”
“Okay, but how do I do that?”
“You order food.”
