Not even when she got there, and three things happened:
She got an eyeful of his chest hair over the top of that unbuttoned V-neck. He stepped back so as not to loom over her too much. And he whipped that cigarette behind him. Like he didn’t want her to see him still indulging in that nasty habit. Like what she thought of him actually mattered.
Even though what she thought of him in that moment was unspeakable. She had to shake herself just to stop silly things from coming out of her mouth.Forget that other girl, it’s me you’re supposed to be with, she thought, and switched it out at the last second for something reassuring. “You don’t have to do that. I don’t mind if you smoke,” she said. But he just looked sheepish.
“Yeah, wait until you find out what I’m smoking.”
“Oh my stars, Mr. Jackson. Notdrugs.”
“All right, all right, I know you’re being a little smart-ass.”
“I am, but only because I want you to know I am not scandalized.”
“Well, good. You shouldn’t be. It’s just a little something to take the edge off.”
The edge off what, she thought. Then it clicked. “So you’re nervous,” she said, and though he looked bitter about being busted, he gruffed out a concession.
“Of course I am. A woman is about to go through my things.”
“Well, I don’t have to. You could just do a little fashion show for me.”
“Okay, but that would be way worse. You get that it’s way worse, right.”
“I do. But I kind of hoped it would make you feel better about me going inside now to rifle through your underwear,” she said, as she strolled through his open front door. Slowly, so he could stop her if he really wanted to.
Though he didn’t.
He didn’t even follow her in.
She heard him calling after her while she passed through his now even neater and prettier-looking living room. “Right, right, right, but you’re not really going to do that, though. Like, you don’t need to actually touch my briefs. You’re just messing with me, I can tell,” he said, half laughing over this obvious fact. Then after a second he seemed to realize she might not be, and got a little more frantic. “Kid. Kid, just wait a second, are you messing with me? If you’re not, don’t you dare go in the third drawer down by my bed.”
He burst in on the last word.
Though of course she hadn’t even made it down the hall. She stood outside his bedroom door, hands in the pockets of the only averagely cute cardigan she’d chosen, to make sure he knew she wasn’t trying to look gorgeous for their practice dating. “I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want. No matter how tempted I am,” she said, with just a tiny bit of tease in her voice. And he looked relieved in response. But also just a little bit rueful.
“The tempted part is because of the drawer thing, right,” he said, one hand on the back of his neck, rubbing there. His face was half scrunched up, as if bracing for the answer, or the questions.
But she had none for him.
“I have no idea what drawer thing you could possibly be referring to.”
“The one I just accidentally mentio—oh. Ohhhhh.” His frown dropped and he wagged a finger at her. “Oh, you’re doing the pretending thing. You’re pretending you don’t know so I don’t have to feel uncomfortable. Like they do in movies, and some of those books you gave me.”
“I mean, it happens in reality, too.”
“Right, sure it does. Of course. I believe you.”
“You have to believe me. People spare each other’s feelings all the time,” she said, and laughed on the end. She laughed, until she saw that he wasn’t laughing with her. He was just looking at her, puzzled in a way that made his meaning slowly dawn on her. “Oh mygod. You’re saying nobody has ever tried to spare your feelings.”
And then he shrugged.
Heshrugged.
“I think the assumption is generally that I don’t have any that need sparing,” he said, all matter-of-fact about it. While her stomach just about sank into her chunky little red ankle boots. She had to stifle the sound of horror that immediately rose in her throat. After all, she didn’t want him to feelmoreweird about it.
“Wow, okay. That isnotcool of people,” she said instead.
While he did his best to brush it off as nothing.
