And weirdly? That kind of felt right. She found herself thinking of what they were doing as treating him, as treating a patient, as treating a supernatural patient, and felt a strange little thrill. Like the kind of feeling she imagined other people got, when they realized what they wanted to do with their lives. Or simply remembered dreams they’d once had, come back to them in a slightly different form.Maybe that was why some part of me wanted to be a doctor or a nurse, she thought. And that felt so satisfying she could feel a smile trying to spread over her face.
Though she didn’t let him change the subject entirely. “Honestly? Maybe,” she replied. “I’ve got the strongest urge to write this down.”
And got an eye roll for it. “Great. So my shameful lusting will be preserved forever.”
“It’s not shameful to lust. It’s shameful to foist it on other people when other people haven’t asked. To act on it in ways that you are definitely not doing. I mean, you just hid your erection from me for three days, Seth. You’ve been a complete gentleman,despite the extreme pressure you’re under. So you know what? Go ahead. Hit me with your best shot.”
That got him, she thought. She even knew exactly what word had done it—gentleman. She said it, and his eyes flashed all bright and hopeful. Like maybe, just maybe, he was getting through this in a decent manner. And if he shared it with her, maybe that decency would become a permanent fixture. A part of his foundation. Something immutable and steadying.
“If I tell you this stuff, will you swear to not change who you are? Or think I want to be thinking this?” he asked. And in response, she held up the Vulcan salute. Like they used to do when they were kids, and a promise was being made.
“You have my solemn and most heartfelt vow that I shall never. On the name of our lord and savior Wes Craven. Amen,” she said, then got a laugh for her troubles.
Though when she looked back, the amusement was gone.
And in its place was something hesitant. But determined.
“All right. All right. If you think it will be okay, I’ll tell you. I can do this. I just have to, you know. Do it real quick. Like ripping off a Band-Aid,” he started. Then he closed his eyes, and took a breath, and let it just burst out of him. “Every time you figure something out, you make this really incredibly super-excited noise.”
And after he had, he seemed to brace. As if he was just waiting for her disgusted reaction.
Even though she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
“You mean the one where I sound like a chipmunk?”
“You don’t sound like a chipmunk to me.”
“So tell me what I do sound like, then.”
“Close to coming.”
As soon as it was out, she could see he hadn’t meant to put it quite like that.
He winced on that last word. Then mouthed the word “sorry.”
But unfortunately, the word “sorry” didn’t help her. Because now she had to pretend that she wasn’t reeling.You just heard Sethsay “coming.” He said “coming,” as in an orgasm, as in me making that noise makes that happen,her brain babbled, before she could stop it, and force it back into being an adult.Adults discuss things like their sex lives,she told herself.
Then made her voice as dry as she could.
“That is very cool to say, Seth, but you’re drunk on werewolf hormones.”
“Werewolf hormones are making me super feel it and say it. They’re not making things that are false and ridiculous suddenly true and reasonable. That little breathy noise is sexy. Most of your excitement is sexy. You always get all flushed, and you bite that plump, soft, lower lip of yours, and then you—” he started to say, then seemed to realizewhathe was saying, and hauled himself back.
Even though he didn’t need to.
They were grown-ups. This was fine. It was fine.
She was going to prove it was fine.
“Then I what?” she asked, nonchalantly.
But he was definitely losing his nerve. He shook his head.
Looked at his fingers, and the eraser they were busy fiddling with.
“No, Cass. I don’t want to go over this part.”
“Oh come on. You’ve said all the rest.”
