“Oh holy fuck, don’t come any closer. In fact, move farther away,” he stumbled out, as he tried to wave her back with his free hand. And when he did, another portion of her fear and disappointment slid away.
Though it left a lot of questions behind.
“Okay, I am going to need you to tell me why you want me farther away,” she said, and knew right down to her bones that he was going to prevaricate. She could almost see him straining to come up with something that wasn’t quite the whole truth.
But maybe seemed close enough that she would back down.
“It’s not because I hate you somehow, I swear.”
“Yeah, I can see that. However, I still need you to explain.”
“But it might go away soon, and then I won’t really have to.”
“You will always have to. Because look what happens when you don’t—I fling myself through the woods, beside myself at thethought that you’re hurt. Or worse: I start imagining you’ve abandoned me forever, again.”
That got him, she could tell.
His face twisted in agony the moment she said “beside myself,” and then again when she said “hurt,” and even more so when she said “abandoned me forever.” Oh, he could hardly stand it when he heard that last one. He had to really fight to keep himself from saying whatever this obviously embarrassing truth was.
And in the end he just couldn’t win. He couldn’t hold it in. “For god’s sake, Cass, it’s none of those things. I would never abandon you again. It’s just that getting fucking horny makes me turn, all right?” he burst out, all in a half-growled rush. Like he was saying the worst thing the world had ever known. Like he had committed some harrowing crime. He even made a mortified moaning noise as soon as the words escaped. Then he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, like he couldn’t stand to see her expression.
Even though she kind of had no idea what the problem was.
All she felt was confusion, the second she grasped what he had said.
Because, actually, hadn’t he almost told her that before? He’d said emotions and hormones did it. This was only one step further. And even if it wasn’t, well. It didn’t seem like a big deal. “That doesn’t seem like something you needed to keep from me,” she said. But his response was just a mirthless-sounding laugh.
Then he dropped his hands, so she could see exactly the extent of his despair.
“Yeah, well, just wait until you hear what’s making the horniness happen.”
“So it’s something so disturbing I will scream?”
He sighed, in a bone-weary way. “Probably, yeah.”
“What do you mean, probably?”
“I mean definitely,” he said. “In a friendship-ruining way.”
And okay,nowshe was worried.Nowshe was starting to think she couldn’t handle it. Like maybe it was something so repulsive nobody on earth could accept it. Even though the options for a repulsive thing were pretty limited with Seth. She remembered himvomiting in the aisle during the five-fifteen showing ofThe Last House on the Left. And he’d never even made it all the way throughThe Hills Have Eyes.
Because he loved being scared by horror movies; he truly loved it. But he hated watching stuff like that happen to women.I’m in it to watch them fuck baddies up,he had once said to her.
So what did that leave, really? What disgusting thing could it be?
Something incredibly weird, she thought. And to her horror, a possibility came to her.
“Oh god. If you tell me you need to stop coming around because you are super into frog-fucking, and all the ones that hang out under my porch are making you mad with lust, I will just lose it. I will not be okay with it,” she said.
And her only consolation was the way he rolled his eyes.
“Honestly, I don’t even know how your mind went there first.”
“Because you acted like the thing that makes you horny is the worst thing ever.”
“Yeah, and I meant in an emotional way. Not in a go-to-prison way.”
“You’re not going to go to prison for making love to a frog, Seth.”
