“Right. Because that’s what I mean. You can totally perch on that.”
He looked back at her, on the word “perch.” And she could tell by his expression that she’d gone too far. It was pureyou can’t be serious. Like he was brewing a snarky comment about it. And sure enough: “So you’re wanting to do this via semaphore.”
“We’re not going to need semaphore over that distance.”
“No, you’re probably right. I’ll just search my pockets for my handy travel megaphone instead,” he said, and oh the teasing smile he gave her as he did. It looked like he was sucking on a sour candy.
And it was this that made her almost laugh.
She had to bury it under some semiserious words, quickly.
“You know I can demote you back to mortal enemy any time.”
“Oh, you mean I’ve recently had a promotion? What’s my position now?”
“Standard enemy,” she said, with a surety she wasn’t certain she felt. She had to add more caveats, just to firm it up. “Which is just basically the same thing, except I don’t plot your untimely demise in my spare time. Instead, I come up with creative ways to keep you at arm’s length.”
“Well, you’re doing a great job. I am really feeling the length of your arm, no question about that. But just know—I am totally dedicated to this company, and absolutely ready to work ceaselessly for a chance to move up through the ranks.”
He saluted on the end of those words. And now her amusement was really fighting against her rigid face muscles. She had to look away, to hide the grin that tried to burst through all her defenses. But of course, he caught it anyway.
“That was really charming, wasn’t it,” he said.
Like the annoying puppy dog of a man he was.
“It’s less charming if you say that it was, Seth.”
“Right, right, I’ll stop while I’m ahead and just find a not-too-close spot to sit,” he said.
Then proceeded to search in the most impossibly goofy and adorable manner she could imagine. He pointed at things and shook his head to himself. Started toward parts of the yard before visibly indicating they would be no good. One hand went to his chin; he ran the other through his hair, puzzled.
In the end, she had to break and find him a goddamn lawn chair. And even after she had, he was super careful about placing it. He waited until she had taken a seat on the porch steps, and gestured that closer was okay. And only then did he set the rickety thing down, and sit.
Or at least, hetriedto sit.
Because, oh boy, did he struggle to get his enormous self into that tiny seat.
He had to ease himself down, gingerly, as it creaked and groaned. Then he just kind of squeezed himself in, between arms that didn’t want to accommodate his meaty thighs. It was like seeing an elephant trying to ride a tricycle. All she could make out around his enormous arms and his enormous shoulders and his juicy butt was the green canvas, bowing under his weight beneath the chair.
And even that was barely visible.
Because his legs were so long they’d sort of formed two massive pillars in front of everything. His knees were practically in the way of his face. She had to tell him to lean back and sit with them spread right out—though of course she regretted it once she had.
Now she had to talk to him while he was all sprawled before her. Like a model, posing for his centerfold spread in a nudie mag. And that was… well. That was a lot to deal with three seconds before he demanded she kick her brain into gear.
“All right. So hit me with your questions,” he said, while she was still floundering. She had to spend way too much time pre tending to search for the notebook and pen she knew she’d stashed in her cardigan pocket, just to reach something like composure.
And even then, she couldn’t come out with anything good.
“Honestly I don’t even know what I wanted to ask now.”
“Head full of penises and awkward hand touching, huh?”
And nudie mags full of men with their shirts riding up, she answered mentally. Then had to somehow reply without seeming the least bit flustered or uncomfortable. “Little bit, yeah. Or even, you know. A lot.”
“If it helps, mine is too. I’d forgotten what it was like to talk like this.”
“Yeah, I guess it must be hard to have long, weird chats with people when you might accidentally become a man beast at any given moment. Ortheymight become a man beast at any moment.”
