“I know. Which probably gives you no confidence at all in this suggestion.”
“A lot of things give me no confidence. I mean, why would you even want to help me with this? What are you going to get out of it? Because I can’t imagine you want to do it just to hang out with me,” she said, and laughed as she did so. Of course she did—that idea was preposterous.
And so much so that he laughed too. He laughedloudly.
He was animated about it. He even slapped his knee, like a cartoon character.
“Right. Right,” he said. “Because it would be super weird if I did. Is what you mean.”
“Well yeah. And especially considering how much it would suck for you.”
“Oh god, yeah. It totally would. You know because… because of the. The…”
“The fact you would have to spend endless hours in my company, having tons of long, long talks about what I’ve become and what you’ve become and what the world is actually like,” she finished for him, when he didn’t seem to quite know how to. Then she shook her head, still half laughing. “I mean, can you imagine? We’d probably have to have lunches together and dinners, and I’d have to call you at midnight when I’m melting down. It would be a nightmare for you.”
“Wow, yeah, that sure sounds the way a nightmare is.”
“Doesn’t it though? Just completely awful.”
“Uh-huh. Really bad. I do not want that at all.”
“Exactly. So then you should probably retract your offer,” she said. Lightly, she thought. Though somehow it didn’t feel quite as light when it was out. It felt more like she was nudging him. Like she was saying,okay, so why aren’t you taking it back? Why aren’t you saying you don’t want to help me after all?
And especially when he did not immediately do it.
In fact, he didn’t immediately do anything. He just kind of stared at her. Then he swallowed, very thickly and very visibly. Like something about all of this was making him nervous. It was putting pressure on him, and he wasn’t sure how to resolve it. Even though she couldn’t fathom what that pressure or resolution might be. It was a fact that doing this would be a bad experience for him. It was totally a fact.
Tell me it’s a fact,she thought at him.
And was relieved when he said, after a moment of thought, “Okay. Okay, but what if there was something I wanted in return? I mean, something other than being nice to you. Or getting to do all that stuff together, all that talking and hanging out and sharing-grilled-cheese-sandwiches stuff you just said.”
Because yeah, that made sense. Him wanting something made sense.
Even though that last part sounded a little weird.
“I don’t think I mentioned grilled cheese,” she said, and forjust the barest second it seemed like panic flashed across his face. Before he let out a little laugh, and gave her a shrug, and finally responded with something reasonable.
“Oh you didn’t? Well, you know. I was just… embellishing. Based on what we used to do a lot together. When we spent so much time with each other, talking and having fun and eating good stuff like that,” he said—and okay, that all made sense.
But there was still a question that needed answering.
“Great. Then that just leaves what you want in return for helping me.”
“Yeah, I was getting to that. If you just give me a second.”
“You need a second to come up with a reason you’re offering me your help, when you made the offer already? Come on, I don’t believe you. You must have something in mind. Like something to do with me being a witch. A spell you need me to do, or something along those lines,” she said, rolling her hand in the air like come on, get to the point.
And he did. All in a big burst, like it was a relief to get it out. “Oh god, of course. Of course that’s what I could want. A spell—like my soup. You could make me more of the soup that heals my wounds and helps me not to turn so often,” he said, and then snapped his fingers.
Like,yes, I got the answer.
Even though he must have had the answer all along. He must have known he was only really making the offer for his own gain. It made no sense if he hadn’t.
Though now that she was thinking about it, how much sense had she made? Because she hadn’t thought of the soup either. She’d just imagined random other magic he might want, instead of the most obvious thing. And she didn’t know why.
Or at least, she didn’t until she went to answer him. Then had to stop herself, because what she wanted to say was:Yeah, but I would do that for you anyway. I would do it just because I can’t bear the thought of you suffering. And I know that makes me weak and soft and foolish, but I can’t help it. All I can do is pretend it’s otherwise.
“Oh yeah. The soup. Right,” she said. “That makes total sense.”
