But it was, because the moment she did it she felt the enormous swell of his biceps, pushing back against her palms. She got the thickness of it, the firmness, the solid weight of his body that was almost too much for her to heave over. And oh god, the heat thatrolled off him as he went. It was so lush and intense she would have called it a fever.
If she hadn’t known it was something else.
Animals run hot, her brain threw out.
And just as she was busy hating her brain for it, she got a hit of his scent. That sweet bubblegum scent—the one she remembered from when they were kids. Only now it was mingled with something else, something like warm fur or skin made shimmery by the sun, and okay no, no this was too much. This was all too much.
She didn’t like it. She had to stop touching him.
It was actually starting to make her feel a bit weird to carry on. Like it sometimes had when they were teenage friends, and she’d accidentally brushed something she hadn’t meant to. Like that time when she’d gone to pass him a book from a low shelf at the library, and somehow slid her hand inside those little shorts he had loved. All the way up, right to the highest point of his thigh.
And just as she was thinking this, she glanced at his face.
And saw that his eyes were wide fucking open.
“What the heck are you doing?” he asked, and god the way he sounded when he did. It was like he’d caught her molesting him. Or seen the flush she knew was all over her cheeks and assumed that meant something other than what it did.
Even though it didn’t. It fuckingdidn’t.I’m just not used to big dudes who smell like great sex, she found herself thinking at him, frantically. Then was incredibly grateful to know that (a) her brain was only saying something so ridiculous because it was very stressed right now, and (b) he could not hear it doing so.
All he got was her words. And she had the perfect ones.
“I was trying to make sure you didn’t die.”
“By groping my biceps and my butt?
“Hold on a second, I didn’t touch your butt.”
He tilted his head to one side. “No, but you were getting pretty close to it.”
“I didn’t even know I was. Probably because your big, immovable body just barged right into my tiny hands. And before youmake any crack about how tiny my hands aren’t, remember that I was trying to save your life.”
She shoved herself to her feet then. Angrily, and with the intention of stalking away from him. But here was the thing: he got up too. Like he was just fine now—or at least fine enough to continue making her life a misery. And sure enough, here he was, following her into the kitchen, expression all outraged.
“Okay, first of all, I wasn’t gonna say anything of the kind. Your hands are cute as heck. I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” he said, all exasperated. Then just as she was processing that weirdness, just as she was thinking,he thinks my hands are cute,he burst out with more: “And second, were you seriously trying to save my life? As in, you were actually super worried that I was dying?”
At which point, she wasn’t quite sure what to say.
Because he sounded like… she didn’t know what he sounded like.Hopeful, she wanted to say. But she couldn’t let herself believe that. He was probably just all mixed up from being mangled, she decided. Then turned her back to him, so she could appear convincingly casual.
“Well, yeah. Anyone would be. You just fainted.”
“I didn’t faint. I just ran out of energy.”
“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to suggest you were anything like the weakling you used to be. Lemme just reassure you that you’re still an enormous, macho machine who can crush absolutely anyone or anything with the blink of one eye.”
Okay, that was way too far, and now he’s gonna bite back, she told herself.
But no, he apparently still didn’t feel like it. Instead, he sighed wearily.
“Cassie, that’s not what I meant. And that’s not what I want to be.”
“Okay. Cool. So then tell me exactly what you do want to be, Seth.”
“I don’t know. I guess whatever made you like me enough to be so tender.”
She could hear the shrug in his voice. Like it was no big deal to say what he just had.
Even though it made her spin back around like a cartoon character doing a double take. And she knew why too: because he had meant itthatway. The good way. The way that suggested helikedher being that way with him.
