“Yeah, but if bythatyou mean you are into doing all of that stuff with me again, then you need to know something,” he said, and she turned with her face now blazing, thinking of all the mortifying things he might finish that thought with. All of the remnants of how he’d made her feel in high school—just some dipshit who’d been a fool to imagine she meant the world to him. Then somehow she got him holding his breath. She got him looking at her with all the desperation and desire in the world. And then there were words, oh the words. “I am absolutely into it too. I am madly, wildly, completely head over heels into it too.”
And all of them so passionate, so perfect, she almost just went to him.
She could feel the urge like a wildfire, raging through her.
It was honestly a miracle that she managed to push for clarification, instead. To make it clear, absolutely clear, and without asingle bit of confusion. “But you’re not magically hungry for me, anymore,” she said faintly. Half hope. Half mystification.
But god he just looked so pleased. “No, but I amothertypes of hungry.”
“Okay. But what other types do you mean?”
“Mostly the ones that involve remembering everything we did. And dreaming about everything we did. And then thinking what I would do differently, if you ever somehow inexplicably gave me the chance to do it again.”
Inexplicably, she thought, in a daze.
But it was another word that pushed her to speak. “So it wasn’t completely right to you then,” she said. “You would change things, somehow, if we went inside and did it right now.”
“Well yeah. Of course I would.”
“Because you didn’t like it.”
“Not becauseIdidn’t like it, Cass. Becauseyoudidn’t.”
He said the words so sincerely.
Like that wasobviouslythe issue. He didn’t even seem to blink about it, so what was she supposed to say then? How was she supposed to explain that she actuallyhad? That she had just tried not to enjoy it, to such an extent that he didn’t even know it was the case? It sounded even sillier now than it had at the time they’d done it.
Because apparently, he minded her disguising her pleasure.
He wanted full throttle. Way more.
And he was saying this while completely himself.
“Okay, but let’s say for the sake of argument that I sort of did enjoy myself, and was just kind of nervous aboutseeminglike I did to too great a degree. In case, you know. That was weird, and also maybe like I was taking advantage of a situation you might not really want to be in,” she tried. And failed, obviously. His face dropped into what could only be described aswhat the fuck.
“Well, in that case I would say, Oh you can’t be serious,” he fumed.
Even though that wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair at all. “But why not? We never really discussed how much I should be into it.”
“Because we shouldn’t have to. It should be obvious. And even if it isn’t, I actuallydidsay. I said I wanted you to have something for you. I told you I wanted to go down on you. I mean, what on earth did you think that meant? I lick your pussy until you experience a moderate, polite amount of pleasure?”
She clenched her fists in frustration. “Now you’ve made it sound so absurd that I can’t say yes.”
“You can’t say yes because itisabsurd. My god, Cass. Why didn’t you just tell me this? Why didn’t you just ask me?”
“It was kind of difficult to at the time.”
“But at the time I could have reassured you, and then got you off.”
She tried to avoid letting her expression crease in a way that saidoops. But she could see realization dawning on his face, anyway. And he got there, before she could make it sound any more reasonable than it was. “You cannot be seriously telling me you fakednothaving an orgasm,” he said.
“No, I am not telling you that.”
“Well, thank god.”
“Because I faked not having one multiple times.”
Shouldn’t have revealed that part, she thought, as he registered what she’d said. Too late now, though. He had his hands in the air, and they weren’t coming back down.
