After which, it took her a second to reply.
She had to wait until her own confusion died down, before she could.
“Well, I don’t see how, I mean, if you’re struggling with the idea of doing me to the point where you flee, that seems like the best option. To make it just about the act, and not about who you’re with.”
“But that wasn’t the problem at all.”
“Then what was?”
He hesitated. “I don’t know.”
“You can’tI don’t knowyour way out of this, Seth. This is slowly killing us. I’m starting to not be able to sleep or think or eat. And I know it’s the same for you. You actually look like you’re losing weight.”
“Because I am. All I can think about is devouring your—” He stopped himself. Swallowed, thickly. Like he was thinking about the word he wanted to use, anyway. Then he started again. “All I can think about is doing certain things.”
“So then help me help you get those things done.”
“I can’t. I don’t know how to explain, exactly.”
“Start by knowing it’s okay to tell me what I did wrong.” There, she thought. Now he could make it as plain as possible. Then she could better navigate whatever the problem was. But he just looked shocked, then frustrated beyond belief.
“Cass, you didn’t doanythingwrong. It just wasn’t what I had imagined it was going to be,” he burst out, and as soon as he didshe could tell he hadn’t meant to. Or at least, that he hadn’t meant to put it quite like that. Because he seemed to freeze, and his cheeks went from zero to bright red, and then he was fumbling. He was reaching for a way to make his words sound a little less like whatever they currently did. “And by that I mean, you know. Since this all started… Since this started I have sometimes thought about how it might go down. And it was never like that in any of my thoughts. It was never so… mechanical.”
Then he seemed to look at her in this tense, expectant way. Like he was waiting for some emotional blow that she had no idea how to land. Or even wanted to land. Because if that was all, what was the big deal? That sounded fine, that sounded cool, and most importantly: that sounded like something she could fix.
Easily. Quickly.
All they needed was an action plan. A good, practical action plan, laid down on paper, with bullet points and everything. All of which sounded so good, she went ahead. She grabbed a notepad from the kitchen table, and a pencil, and gave him her bestWe can do thisexpression.
“Okay. So hit me with all the ways you want this to be,” she said, sure this would work.
Though it still kind of shocked her when all the tension immediately went out of him.
He even gave her a half smile. And she could tell the words were coming, before they did.
“Well, you know. Not in a kitchen, for starters,” he blew out, and even more tension went out of him when he did. Partly, she suspected, for her reaction.
She immediately scribbled his words down.
“Got it,” she said, as she did. “No to the kitchen.”
Then suddenly this was just a thing. He shared. She made it seem normal.
“And there wasn’t a sentient microwave and a talking raccoon so close by.”
“Honestly, I was thinking the same thing. It was very weird that they were right in the next room, and you are completely correctto raise that as a concern. Zero creatures from a movie made by Amblin Entertainment while we do this.”
She nodded, as she added that to the list.
Despite the chitter of protest from Pod, who was currently rummaging through the pantry for the cookies she’d hidden. And the readout from the microwave, very disturbingly informing them both that this wasn’t fair, because it was kind of getting into the idea of them boning, now.
Just focus on this conversation, she told herself.
Which wasn’t hard, because Seth was certainly starting to warm to the topic.
“And the lighting. I don’t want it to be dark, okay? But maybe less bright.”
“So you want, like, a lamp or something?”
