He lowered the menu, then.
But only to look at where she was pointing.
“I know,” he said. “I think that stain is about to gain sentience and speak.”
“Yeah, and you know what it’s going to say?”
“Could be I have some idea.”
“I’m here to wither your vagina.”
Now,he looked at her—and it wasn’t as bad as she’d feared.
In fact, his gaze was more amused than terrified of random sexual contact.
And so was his next comment, “Okay, no I had no idea that was coming.”
“Are you sure? Because it kind of looks like you planned it this way.”
“I did not plan to wither your vagina. Iloveyour vagina,” he said, and she didn’t know what she liked best. That he blundered into saying something those words, or that he actually facepalmed after the fact. “Christ, how did you make me confess to loving your vagina within five minutes of sitting down in the diner sex forgot?”
“So you admit it was your intention to throw desire into a deep dark hole.”
“There was no throwing. Or deep dark holes.”
“Apart from the one by the bathrooms.”
She pointed, and to his credit he followed her finger to the gaping maw that was over there. He even nodded, and said, “Yeah…I think part of the floor collapsed.”
“But you maintain this was an ideal first date venue.”
“No, I don’t maintain that. I know it sucks insanely hard and yes, I did want to take advantage of that fact. Just not exactly for the reasons you think.”
“Well, maybe you should tell me what the reasons are.”
He sighed, short and sweet. “I would, but they seem crazy now.”
“Crazier than withering vaginas?”
“Ah, the little known sequel toWuthering Heights.”
“Don’t try tolittle known sequelyour way out of this, Isaac. You got my hopes up. You asked me out. We were supposed to roll around on a beach while waves crashed over us—and instead, I just contracted typhus.”
“You totally cannot contract typhus from this table.” He paused just long enough to consider the table of doom and look back at her, eyes bright with unspent laughter. “As long as you never touch your face or mouth again and shower daily at the Silkwood facility.”
“Good movie references aren’t going to help you either.”
“Yeah but they’re so satisfying. Especially when you know exactly what I mean.”
She raised an eyebrow. “So now you’re trying flattery to get out of this?”
“I’m not trying to get out of anything.”
“But you’re still not explaining.”
He leaned back in his seat and sighed, heavily.
Then finally, finally, “I needed to see if we could be a normal couple on a normal date. No fear that all of this is just an illusion brought on by proximity and kindness. No sudden violent right turns into lust. Just you and me having coffee and talking. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
