Resigned—like some guy finally confessing his crime.
She didn’t know how to tell him that no crime had been committed.
In fact, all she could really focus on was those last three words.
“You wanted to ask formore?”
“That isn’t the part you’re supposed to talk about.”
“Well, unfortunately it’s the part that seems to have seized control of my mind and my body—so if you’re hoping for sensible acceptance to come out of me, you’re really not going to get it.”
“I’m more than hoping. I’m begging you for sensible acceptance.”
“Then tell me something else. Tell me you freaked out because I molested you.”
He shook his head, and that weary tone turned into something more insistent. “There’s just no way I can do that. You didn’t. That isn’t what happened.”
“Okay, so say I’m the most hideous thing you’ve ever seen.”
“Honey, I would. If it didn’t sound the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“No crazier thanI was just trying to be a super decent gentleman.”
“That would only be true if I had never heard you speak, or fallen right into those deep dark eyes, or seen your lovely smile, god, your smile, do you know how many nights I’ve thought of your smile?” he asked, so plain and matter of fact that he could have been talking about anything.The weather, she thought, only of course it wasn’t. It was all full of feelings she hadn’t thought he was capable of, and compliments he shouldn’t have been making, and oh fuck, she just couldn’t cope with that.Not from him.
It took her an age to answer, and even when she managed, her voice came out kind of breathless.
“Probably one tenth of the nights I’ve thought of yours.”
“Come on. I don’t evenhavea smile.”
“You do. It’s thething that kisses the corner of your gorgeous mouth.”
“Nothing about me is gorgeous, Lydia. I look like forty miles of rough road—and that’s on a fucking good day. On the shitty days, I’m forty miles of rough road that got turned into a blank faced robot.”
She wanted to laugh at that, but she couldn’t.
He was serious. About all of this.
He honestly thought he was an ugly asshole.
“You say that like all of those things are somehow gross.”
“Because they are. They are. You shouldn’t like any of it—any of me. And the very fact that you think you do just proves that you’re confusing gratitude for attraction.”
“Oh, I see. So, I onlythinkI feel my own feelings. Really poor little me is just confused.”
It was intended to be funny, but she could immediately see she’d misjudged.
He raked a hand through his hair; his eyes went up to the heavens.
And his sigh of frustration was absolutely epic.
Or, at least, it was epic coming from him.
Before that moment, he’d barely let out a single emotion.
Now they were leaking out all over the place, like a balloon with ten tiny holes.
