And he gave it to her. He laughed, of course. But he gave it to her. It occurred to her as he drew her into his arms that he would always give it to her. That she just had to ask and it would be hers. She could see it in his eyes as he took her—first slowly, tenderly, and then with more urgency once he realized.
Urgency was what she needed.
Urgency was what sheliked. She didn’t care about bruises or being hurt. She only wanted that sweet ache again—the one that happened when he reallyfuckedwithout thinking. When he grabbed her hips and grunted and let her have what she knew he longed for too. He longed to lose himself in her, she was sure. Passionate sex wasn’t enough. Only handfuls of her hair and demands he didn’t want to make and falling all the way into her was enough.
Or at least, that was how it felt to her.
Like falling into someone and never wanting to come back out. When he grabbed her, she grabbed him back. When he told her to turn so he could fuck her like that she was already moving before the words were out. And when he gasped out that it felt amazing—to rut like that against her, holding her hips and her hair and feeling her back arch to take more of him—he was only echoing all the things she wanted to say.
It was unbelievable, the difference it made to be taken in that way. Not just because of the shift toward something more greedy and grasping and animalistic, but in the sheer physical sensation of it. The feel of his cock rubbing so insistently over that good, good place inside her...one of his hands pressing between her legs at the same time...
It was barely a minute of this bliss before orgasm pushed and shoved through her. And oh God, did it push and shove. She tried to moan, but her teeth were so tightly clamped together she couldn’t manage it. Instead she just had to hold on as he wrenched her in two.
Then patiently put her back together again. Oh he so patiently put her back together again. As soon as the insane, impossible pleasure was done, he turned her and spread her out on the bed. He cupped her face in his hands. He said her name, so sweet and wondering she had to believe. How could she not? They had lost themselves in each other, and come through to the other side. They had done all those things without shame or worry, and opened up to each other in ways she never thought she could. They could do this, they could really do this. He could be Bernie and she could be Alice and they could live happily ever after, they could. She was sure of it...
And then she went downstairs to get a drink of water, still basking in the afterglow, and saw the shadow just outside the door. She heard an unfamiliar voice calling through it.Holden Stark, this someone called, in that proprietary way of all paparazzi. As if they knew him, as if they were friends. She wanted to shout at them—That’s not even who he is, he’s not really Holden. But of course that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that as soon as he saw her, as soon as he took her picture...
She would not be Alice.
* * * * *
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been standing there when he finally came down to find her. It seemed like just a few moments, though she knew it couldn’t have been. Her leg was aching from holding it in one place for so long, and even if it hadn’t been, there were other clues. The man was gone, for a start. He’d grown tired of banging and hollering through her door at nothing—either that or he’d seen her through the frosted glass and gotten scared.
Normal people didn’t freeze like this. They didn’t act as though life was a big kid’s game, and if they only stood still no one could tag them. No one could say,Hey, Enid, you’re it.You’ve been caught. Now you have to stand by the wall and close your eyes and try to catch all of us.
Now it’s your turn, Enid.
She didn’t want it to be her turn. Was it so bad to not want it to be her turn? It didn’t seem like too much to ask—to just have this, to just go this far, to not have to say anything more. To be Alice, instead of Enid. That wasn’t so bad, was it? She’d paid so much already. It didn’t seem fair to have to pay more.
But when she turned and looked at him, she knew this extra cost was there. He didn’t seem concerned, as she might have hoped. He seemed confused. He seemed like he already had some idea, though she wasn’t sure how. The man hadn’t said her real name—not yet at least. And there were no other signs.
She was sure there weren’t, until she put a hand up to her face.
Her face was wet. Tears were running down her cheeks in great rivers, though she hadn’t felt it happen. She didn’t even know she was shaking until his voice suddenly stopped being all far away. The roar that seemed to be muffling him died down just long enough for him to ask why she was shuddering like that.
And then it rose again, louder than before.
She could hear what it was now. She could hear that strange high-pitched whine in the background of that sound—like a note of panic beneath the thunder of a dragon’s growl. She could see the sidings start to peel away, as though they’d never really been a part of the plane at all. They’d only stayed on because they’d willed it.
Now they did not will it.
They flew off, to the far-off land they lived in.
“Alice,” he was saying. “Alice, can you hear me?”
But how could she answer? She was not Alice.
He must have been talking to someone else.
“Alice, you’re scaring me, honey. What’s wrong? Who was at the door? If it’s someone from your past, you don’t have to worry. I’ll take care of it, okay? You understand that, don’t you? I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Oh, he thought she was Sarah inSleeping with the Enemy. That was what he believed—maybe that was what he’dalwaysbelieved. He’d imagined a terrible boyfriend for her, from whom she was running. A terrible man who had hurt her, and that he would now protect her from. And he would have succeeded, of that she had no doubt. He would have wrapped her in his big, strong arms and sheltered her from all harm, and eventually killed her tormentor in a perfectly manly way.
But he could not kill this one.
This one could notbekilled.
God knows, she’d tried.
