He neither came to an abrupt stop nor trailed off, yet both said the same thing pretty clearly. The burning light of realization was upon him, so hot it was melting her at the same time. Why had she brought him down here? Why? Why?
This was probably the worst way to explain what he then grasped.
“You seem to have a section of my movies.” He hesitated, waiting for clarification that she was never going to give. If it was going to be done, he had to do it himself. He had to do it himself in this really weird hollow voice that made her heart sink about three feet. “Do you have a crush on me, Alice?”
Oh God, he’d used the wordcrush.
He couldn’t have made her feel more like a teenager if he’d tried.
“That isn’t exactly how I would put it.”
“Then how would you put it? You got all these little collections of actors you have the hots for and then here’s my filmography...”
“It’s not exactly like that.”
“Think you could attempt to turn it into words?”
“It’s already taking a lot of effort just to say these ones.”
“Try harder then for the love of God,” he said, in a way that panicked her far more than she had ever really thought possible. He sounded so angry and accusatory, as though she really was obsessed and insane. She’d arranged all of this somehow because of her crazed desire for more Holden Stark—likeMiseryonly with pills she’d magically made him eat and almost-kisses she’d persuaded him to give.
And then she dared to glance up, and felt kind of stupid.
He didn’t look angry and accusatory.
He looked intense and desperate. He was smoldering so much his eyes were practically on fire. She would have feared death by immolation if there hadn’t been a bookcase between them, but even then it was a close thing. Somehow the films framing his face seemed to make the momentmorecharged, not less. They deepened the shadows between them and turned his gaze into molten lava.
She still didn’t know how to answer, however.
The best she could manage wasokay maybe I do a little bit, but she had to say it fast and frantic and with both fists clenched tightly by her sides. Mainly because of the concept, but also because he was still staring at her in that overwhelming way. In fact, the overwhelming way had gotten worse in the meantime.
Now it had this faint note of disbelief.
And a massive note of potentially explosive passion.
“If you have a crush on me what was all that weirdness in the bathroom about?”
“I don’t...know what...weirdness you’re referring to.”
“Hey, I’ve been good. I haven’t brought it up because I didn’t want to scare you. Idon’twant to scare you. But you know that I have to bring it up now, right?”
“You don’t have to. We could just carry on like this.”
“Even though you maybe have a thing for me?”
“I don’t have a thing for you. I have a thing for the people you play.”
“And that’s completely different.”
“You know it’s different.”
“So you find the real me repellant?”
“What? No, God, no, no that’s not...it’s theoppositeof that it—”
“It didn’t seem like the opposite of that when you flung yourself across the bathroom floor just to get away from me.”
“The flinging wasn’t about...you being repellant! Jesus, I can’t even believe you’re using that word with a straight face. I called you handsome the first day we met.”
