CHAPTER ONE
SAM
Goodbye.
God, that word fucking sucks.
“See you later, little bro.”
Desmond clings tighter to my legs without answering.
I’m never good at saying the G word. The only people I held dear left, never to return. I won’t do that to Desmond, but I have no idea when I’ll return.
Standing in the doorway of this run-down house, I tell myself that this goodbye is only temporary. The paint is chipped and peeling. There are holes in the walls, some from water damage, others from fists. The carpet is stained, and there isn’t a single piece of furniture that doesn’t have a tear in it somewhere. No matter what, I’ll be back for him… for us.
“Don’t leave me, sissy,” Desmond pleads. I give him a squeeze and lean down to rest my chin on the top of his head, fighting back tears. I hate that seeing me walk out the door frightens him like this.
We’ve lost so much… first our mom—our lifeline—and now it must feel as if he’s losing me, too. We’re the only good left in our fucked-up world. One day, he’ll realize that I had to leave for him. I have to do what’s needed to save him from this dump. Even if it means the first step is damn near abandoning him.
I lift his head, forcing him to look at me. Tears stain his beautiful brown cheeks, and his chest heaves with each sharp inhale.
“Look at me, Des. I’ll be back.” I suck in a breath, blinking back my emotions. Being strong for him is the only thing that matters.
Who am I kidding?I also need to be strong for myself. Otherwise, I won’t make it in the real world without him. Since I was twelve, and he was only two, we’ve been holding each other when the nights felt like they would never end. Especially the nights that Gary, Des’s father and my stepfather, decided to take whatever anger he had from the day out on me after having too much to drink.
My eyes land on the bike leaning up against the tree. A small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth as I think about how happy Des was when I gave it to him for his birthday last year. I saved every penny I made from babysitting other kids in the neighborhood. With Gary finding my stash every other month and using my money to feed his vices, it took me almost two years. But the look on my brother’s face was worth every sacrifice.
“I have to do this so that I can come back for you.” I keep my voice down, barely at a whisper.
He sniffles and dries his face with the sleeve of his shirt. “You promise?”
I force a smile. “What do we say?” I watch his shoulders rise and fall in rapid succession. “Through shadows and storms—”
“It’s you and me forever.” Desmond swallows, nodding as if to remind himself.
“That’s right. I’ll only be on the other side of town, but I’ll call and come to see you every chance I get. You just need to be strong for me. Can you do that?”
“Mm-hmm.” He nods again, his breathing finally settling.
“I know you can.” I kiss his head and hug him some more.
“Hurry up and close my damn door,” Gary barks.
Desmond flinches as I peer up over his head at Gary without breaking our embrace. His tall frame stands there menacingly, a beer in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. He seethes, staring at me with nothing but hate in his heart. A monster that poisons everything in its presence.
That stops with us. I’ll free Desmond from this hellhole if it’s the last thing I do. Luckily, he’s never made Desmond the subject of his physical torment. No, this asshole reserves that for me. Just like he did Momma, up until the day she left this earth.
That’s the one thing keeping me sane. There’s no way I could leave if I thought he might hurt Desmond. Gary may not have laid a hand on Des, but that doesn’t stop the yelling or the nights where he’d show up with no dinner but had enough money for a six-pack.
I turn my attention back to my brother, refusing to let Gary take more from me than he already has. So, with another peck to Desmond’s head, I lean down to whisper into his ear. “Be brave. And go to Evan and Mrs. Holmes if he gets too upset.”
I hate this, but I know it’s for the best.
The sound of a horn blares outside. Reluctantly, I back away. The tears I fought so hard to keep at bay pour down my face, and I don’t bother to wipe them.
I drag my luggage out the door. With a quick look back, I pass my brother a tight smile.
“I love you, little bro,” I choke out, my heart pounding.
