“Are you sure you’re not doing this because you want to stay in town with your men?” Mamma asked.
Defensiveness flared inside me like it often did when I was explaining my decisions to my moms. I took a deep, slow breath and let it out. “You say that like it’s a bad thing to want to be with my pack.”
“No, honey, that’s not what she’s saying,” Lala said, her words doing nothing to soothe my prickly frustration at once again feeling misunderstood by them. “We just don’t want you to give up on your dreams for them.”
My jaw clenched and my omega snarled at their critique ofmyguys. “They wouldn’t want that, either. I made this decision for me.”
“Okay, everyone take a breath.” Mom set a plate of cardamom buns on the table and nudged me toward a chair. “Let’s all sit down and listen to what Lucy has to say.”
I took my time spreading butter onto a cardamom bun. “I’m sorry I haven’t brought King, Leo, and Wilder over yet. Things have been pretty chaotic, and I wasn’t sure we would work out for a while there. But I am sure now. They’ve shown me what real love feels like. They make me happy.”
“That’s all we want,” Lala said. “For you to be happy.”
I slowly shook my head, swallowing around the lump in my throat. “I guess I thought my courting record would make you doubt my judgment, and I’ve been carrying around enough doubt for myself.”
Mom entwined her fingers with mine, squeezing tightly.
“I know you didn’t like my exes, but I never told you how bad things got,” I said, forging ahead. “Partially because I was ashamed, but also because I blamed myself for a long time. They put me down all the time, but they were so good at keeping it subtle or masking it with concern. I realized that if I said yes to the internship, I’d be doing it because I want to prove to them that I’m not worthless and untalented. Not because I actually wanted it.”
“Oh, honey,” Jojo said, leaning forward to squeeze my shoulder.
“Saying no feels like freedom. It feels like finally choosing myself and what I want for life.” I brushed away the tear rolling down my cheek.
“Have we made you feel pressured?” Mamma asked.
Mamma was a classic alpha—confident, protective, and no-nonsense. She’d always been successful in her field and instilled in me values of perseverance and hard work, which I was grateful for. She’d advocated for Lars and me in school when he was diagnosed with dyslexia and I struggled to pay attention in class, but I had also gone through life secretly scared I was disappointing her.
“I know you didn’t mean to, but sometimes it feels like nobody in this family really sees me. I know you love me and are proud of me, which is why this is so hard to say out loud because I don’t want to make you feel bad or think that I’m not grateful for growing up in this home and…”
“Shh.” Lala pulled me into her arms. “You don’t have to qualify anything or spare our feelings. No parent is perfect, and we can’t fix what we don’t realize we’re doing.”
I kept my eyes fixed on my cardamom bun. My mouth was too dry and my stomach too tangled to enjoy it.
“Sometimes the things you say make me feel like you see me as weak and unserious. Like when I said I was going camping, you acted like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.”Just because they were right didn’t change how I felt about it.“And when I opened up my shop, I overheard Jojo and Mamma talking about how I didn’t have any business skills. It feels like if I fail, I’ll just prove everyone right.”
“Oh, love.” Jojo sighed. “I’m so sorry I said that and that you overheard.” She moved around the table and pulled me into a hug. “You proved me wrong within about five seconds of being open, and I’m so ridiculously proud of you.”
“I’m so sorry, too,” Mamma said, her scent bitter. “You moved so fast when the shop space became available and I was scared it wouldn’t work out, leaving you crushed. But in the end, I was the one who made you feel that way. I should have done better expressing how much confidence I have in everything you do.”
“Thanks, Mamma.” I sniffed.
“Oh, baby.” She rounded the table, pulled me to my feet, and all of them crowded around me, squishing me in their arms.
“We’re going to do better,” Jojo said, her voice thick. “I promise.”
“I’m so proud of you,” Mamma said.
When we finally broke apart, we were all wiping our tears, which was truly shocking since none of my moms besides Lala ever cried.
“Here, you take these home.” Mom handed me a glass container filled with the rest of the cardamom buns. She was never one for sappy words, but I felt her love in the way she took care of me. “You can share them with your guys if you want,” she added.
I scoffed. “Fat chance. These are mine. But maybe you can make some more when I bring them over.”
She beamed. “You got it.”
More hugs and heaps of reassurance later, I rode away from my moms’ house on the scooter. The shining sun warmed my skin even as the windy day blew salty ocean air over me. If I were in an animated movie, this would be the scene where I broke out into song. My mind was still reeling from how quickly my life had changed. Everything was falling into perfect place. There was just one thing left for me to do.
70
