“Pretty sure I never said that,” I sputtered.
“He’s convinced we can’t be together unless he’s taking unsafe doses of suppressants.” Nothing in Lucy’s expression of body language betrayed how she was feeling, but her scent was sharp and bitter, like she was in pain. My chest tightened until I could barely drag in a breath. Before I realized what I was doing, I’d pulled her onto my lap and buried my face in her hair.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, sweetheart. It’s that I can’t,” I murmured.
She twisted in my arms and cupped my chin, running her fingers through my beard. Fuck. How was I supposed to live without this? The universe was cruel to dangle this in front of me, only to rip it away.
“But why? I don’t understand. Most alphas go into rut.”
Why the fuck didn’t Lucy have better self-preservation instincts? She should be scared of me, not clinging to me.
I looked at the doctor for help. She fixed me with a pensive expression before speaking. “You’re right. It is common for alphas to experience ruts when their omega is in heat, but HA is more than that. I’m assuming you’re concerned about violating Lucy’s consent?”
My jaw clenched and I nodded. I worked up the courage to glance at Lucy, but the expression of shock and horror I expected to see on her face didn’t materialize.
“Violate my consent? You’ve never been remotely aggressive with me. Even when I wish you would be.” She muttered that last bit under her breath, but I was close enough to hear her. My cock surged to life, but mixed with my arousal was soul-destroying fear.
“I would never do something intentionally to hurt you, but—” I cleared my throat. I should move her back into her own chair, but my arms wouldn’t release her.
“HA makes me unpredictable. I’ve been taking daily rut suppressants since I was a teenager. When I first revealed as an alpha, I became violent at school, especially toward other alphas. Rut suppressants made me feel almost normal again, and I stopped fighting.” I tried to keep my tone even, but my chest was a riot of emotion. “My parents never treated me any differently, even when everyone was telling them to kick me out of the house before I went into an alpha rage and hurt them. They died soon after I graduated.”
“They’d been older when they had me. My mom passed of a heart attack, and my dads followed shortly from broken hearts.”
“I had to figure out what to do with my life, and I knew I wasn’t cut out for sitting in classrooms, so I became a firefighter. It worked. I’m stronger than most alphas, and heavy labor is one of the things that levels out my hormones.”
I wished I could stop the story here, but I had to keep going. “I dreamed of being part of a pack and having an omega, but then theTurnercourt case happened.”
Dr.Finch made a noise of recognition, but Lucy looked confused.
“What is that?”
I clenched and unclenched my fists as my mind was transportedback to that day as a nineteen-year-old in my shitty apartment. My throat tightened, and sweat prickled my forehead. I couldn’t do this.
“Is it okay if I tell her?” Dr.Finch’s voice was gentle.
I nodded.
“It was a huge televised trial at the time. It must be almost twenty years ago now, but back then, everyone was watching. The alpha in the case was part of a bonded pack with two other alphas and an omega. One night, he grew so possessive of their omega that he attacked his pack members. He killed one of them, and when the omega tried to interfere, he turned on her and she ended up having to be hospitalized.”
“That’s horrible,” Lucy said. “But I don’t understand…”
“The alpha, Turner, had HA,” Dr.Finch said. “Doctors testified at trial that he couldn’t be held accountable for his actions because, according to them, HA-induced rut is a form of insanity. People were furious when he was acquitted, and there were petitions to make it illegal for alphas with HA to bond with omegas.”
“Because we’re not safe for them,” I said, my voice hoarse. “I’ve known since then I could never be a part of a pack.”
I jolted when Lucy’s fingers brushed against my cheek. “But you are a part of a pack. Our pack.” Her voice was soft and tender.
“I shouldn’t be,” I said harshly. “I tried to stay away, but I obviously failed. I thought maybe it would be okay if I took extra suppressants and avoided touching you too much. Even with all of that, I almost lost it that night after speed dating.” My cheeks flushed. I didn’t want to have this conversation with an audience, but it was safer for Dr.Finch to be here. She could at least call security if I lost control.
“I can’t ever get that close to you again. I can never knot you or bond you.” Fuck, my cock ached at just the mention of it. “I don’t add anything of value to this pack. You’re better off without me.”
Lucy scowled and turned to the doctor. “What do you think?”
Here it was. Dr.Finch would tell Lucy the truth, and we would part forever.
“I think the two doctors who testified at the trial were full of shit.”
Wait, what?
