I shrugged. “I just check in with my hematologist once a year and they renew my prescription. The condition doesn’t really require monitoring.”
“And are you okay as long as you take the medication?” he asked.
Ughh. Damn them for having follow-up questions.
“Pretty much.” My voice came out in the most unconvincing high-pitched squeak I’d ever heard. There was silence in the kitchen, and then all of us burst out laughing.
Lars put his arm around me, tucking me into his side. “At least we know you’re a shit liar.”
I pressed my hesitant smile into his chest and breathed him in. There was a salty tinge to his earthy scent this morning.
“It might affect a few more things,” I said with a sigh. “Like my mood.” I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to see it—the way they would awkwardly shift their weight and tell me it wasn’t a big deal when we all knew it was. “I call them my dark days. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to the timing—they come up out of the blue, sometimes lasting for a day or two, and other times up to a week.”
Someone’s hand gently squeezed my leg, but I kept my eyes closed. “I can feel it coming on. It’s like… it’s like being out in the middle of a still ocean and then, out of nowhere, a wave starts to build. There’s nothing you can do, no place you can go to hide. All you can do is brace yourself as it crashes down. The sadness is so overwhelming it’s like I’m drenched and gasping for air. No matter what I do, how hard I try, I can’t get dry or warm. Even though I know this has happened before, and all those times I somehow made it out of the storm, in that moment, it feels like forever.”
“Baby.” Easton’s voice was devastatingly tender. There was a shuffle of movement, and then he was in front of me again, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I allowed myself to melt into his chest. “That day I came with the welcoming committee?” he asked softly.
I nodded. Of course, he put it together, my awful behavior that day. I couldn’t hide anything from him. Would he still want me now that he knew I wasn’t his sunshine?
“Eventually, it passes,” I continued. “And you should be happy,and to some degree, you are. But then you walk through your house and see the mess you’ve made and the bridges you’ve burned in your relationships, and it convinces you that this is all your life will ever be. You’re too much of a burden to those around you, and you wouldn’t want to subject them to the darkness anyway.”
Easton picked me up off the counter, my arms and legs wrapped around him. He moved me so Lars and Finn could surround me. Their large bodies caged me in, shielding me, protecting me.
“It’s a good thing I’m not afraid of the dark,” Easton said.
Just tell them all of it,the voice in my head said. But maybe it was better to space it out. Knowing their omega was a moody, irritable mess was enough information for the day.
“What helps when you’re feeling that way?” Finn asked, his voice rough. “You said your parents would sit with you?”
“Yeah, they did. But there’s no medication or anything that will fix it.”
“I get that, sweet girl. But we want to help you when you feel like that.”
“It’s not just depression, though,” I said. “I’m irritable and just awful to be around. The next time it happens, I can let you all know and you can keep your distance until it’s over.”
“Huh,” Easton said, jiggling me in his arms. “Did you two know our omega was such a comedian?”
“I certainly didn’t,” Lars said, stroking his hand down my hair.
Finn gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him. “You will tell us the next time you feel it coming on, and we will do whatever the fuck we can to make it easier for you, except for leaving you alone.”
“You say that now…”
“Yeah, I do.” His gaze was firm, unwavering, and it made me want to submit to him.
I wrinkled my nose as I caught the scent of something burning, and it broke the tension in the kitchen. Lars cursed as he removed the smoking pan off the stove, Finn muttered something about me needing a spanking, and Easton set me back on the counter, his body still pressed against mine.
“We’re here for you, baby,” he said. “And we’re not leaving.”
I believed that he believed his words, but things could change. My omega wasa lotto handle, and not in a good way. But as Lars handed me a plate with rolled-up cinnamon sugar Swedish pancakes, I decided I would let myself enjoy this. Even if it didn’t last, nothing could take away this slice of happiness right now.
34
EASTON
Noneof us wanted to leave Olive, but we had to go back to the house to grab our work gear and supplies for the day.
Even Finn, who was a stickler for sticking to our job timelines, had been slow to get going. Especially after what Olive told us about her health. Even now, it took everything in me not to sprint back to the cottage. What if she needed me in the fifteen minutes we were gone?
