“My dad was an alpha and my mom a beta. One time, when Iwas ten, I asked my dad if he ever wanted a bigger pack or more kids. He stopped everything he was doing on the boat and cupped my face. He said, ‘Why would I ever want more when I have perfection in front of me?’” Olive sniffed and wiped a tear off her cheek. I held her closer, pressing my face to the top of her head. “He never treated me differently when I revealed as an omega. Never made me feel like there were things I couldn’t do.” She cleared her throat, as if speaking this aloud was painful, and I knew how that felt.
“When I started having some, um, medical issues, it was right in the middle of the busy season. I felt like I was losing my mind. I couldn’t be on the boat. My mom stayed home with me, making sure I was never alone. I felt so bad that I wasn’t working. My dad had to hire extra guys to help him, which was money we didn’t have. The next time I had an episode, my dad stayed home with me.”
She was crying steadily now, her voice hitching on each word. Panic filled my chest at the mention of health issues. I fought the urge to ask her for more information, to set her up with the best doctors, but she was already working so hard to be honest with me now, I didn’t want to push for more yet.
I awkwardly shifted so I could get a wad of napkins out of my pocket left over from lunch. She took them, but it wasn’t enough. Before I could overthink it, I pulled her onto my lap. Surrounded her with my arms. Curled my body around hers. Wishing it was enough to shield her from her grief.
Olive didn’t push me away. She pressed her face into the side of my neck and breathed deeply.
“I was so upset that he stayed with me that day. I kept yelling at him to leave, that he had more important things to do. But he didn’t leave my side. He said—” Her breath hitched, and it was a moment before she could speak again. “He said he was right where he needed to be. The boat could wait. The lobster could wait. Everything could wait, because the most important job in the world was being my dad.”
My heart clenched at the pain in her voice, but there was gratitude there, too. Gratitude that Olive had grown up with parents who loved her, gratitude for my grandparents doing the same for me.
“So you see, they ruined me. How am I supposed to go on living knowing there’s love like that out there? How can I settle for anything less?”
“You don’t,” I said fiercely. “You don’t ever settle. One day, you will feel love like that again, and then you’ll know.”
Olive wrapped her arms around me tighter, and we fell quiet as we listened to the crashing waves and our heartbeats.
“What about you?” she asked, her voice soft as she trailed her fingers along my jaw.
My jaw automatically clenched as if trying to stop the words from getting out. What I hadn’t admitted to anyone. But here, cloaked in darkness, maybe it was safe enough to release them.
“I always wanted a relationship like my grandparents had. They were high school sweethearts. My grandpa started courting my grandma when they were fourteen. She died right before their seventieth anniversary of becoming girlfriend and boyfriend. My grandpa lived another month after she passed, but he wasn’t really there. Looking back, he was preparing for the end, and he didn’t seem remotely upset by the idea. His life wasn’t worth living without his bonded, and that fucking terrifies me. To give another person that amount of power over you that the grief of them takes you under? Is that really the best way to live?”
Olive hummed as she traced her fingers down my chest. “I used to think grief was the worst thing in the world. And it is, at least in the beginning. But now, five years out, I’ve befriended my grief. It connects me to the two people I loved most in the world. It’s all the memories I had with them, how they made me feel soimportant, even as a little kid. Grief is the price we pay for love, and at some point along the way, it started feeling beautiful instead of ugly, like there’s something sacred in the midst of the agonizing pain.”
Tears streamed down my face. Could my grief for my grandparents become something beautiful? Maybe love wasn’t the thing that killed my grandpa. Maybe it was what gave him peace to face the end.
“I think you know Lars and Easton are courting me, but I would never come between them and you. You’re brothers. You’ve lived so much life together. I don’t ever want to ruin that.”
“Sweet girl, you could never ruin anything.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead and breathed her in fully.
She clutched at me, her fingers twisting in my shirt. “I’m just saying, if you’re not ready, Finn—if you don’t want this, or at least not right now, that’s okay.”
My heart melted. “It’s hard to believe you’re real, darling. I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready.” She stiffened in my arms, so I quickly continued. “But maybe that’s the point. We won’t ever feel quite ready to risk ourselves for love, and we should do it, anyway.”
32
OLIVE
Finn stayed closeto my back as I climbed the stairs to the top of the lighthouse. It was a calm night—the wind and waves almost silent, as if holding their breath in anticipation of this moment. My heart was aching, my chest flayed open with our hushed beach confessions.
Finn’s arms surrounded me from behind, his face buried in my hair. There was still an edge of anxiety to his sweet maple scent, and I was sure mine was the same. This moment felt momentous, make or break.
“I used to come up here most nights as a kid, at least in the summer,” he said, the heat of his body against my back keeping me warm.
“I come up here most nights, too.”
He pressed his lips to the side of my face, turning me so I was facing him. “Is it safe for you to be up here all by yourself? The wind might take you.” He gripped my jaw tight, his hold possessive.
I grinned. “Are you fussing over me, alpha?”
He palmed my ass, pulling me tight against his hard cock. “I’ll fuss over you as much as I want, omega.”
I fidgeted with the collar of his sweater and took a deep breath as my heart pounded. “Are we really trying this? A relationship?” Myvoice wasn’t more than a whisper. I couldn’t handle rejection again from this alpha.
His fingers dug into my hair. “Yes.Yes, Olive. Would you do me the absolute honor of letting me court you? I’ll be so good to you. I promise.”
