Meow.
I grinned. “Do you want some pasta?” I held a noodle out for him and he took it neatly from my hand.
After I dished up my dinner, I headed to the door that connected my cottage to the inside of the lighthouse. I trudged up the winding metal stairs to the very top, emerging onto the balcony. I loved sitting up here, even as the wind turned cold with the start of fall. It made me feel more alive.
I sat down, and Sir Cat immediately settled on my lap. I shoveled down my pasta before the wind could turn it stone-cold and then set my bowl aside so I could focus on scratching Sir Cat and enjoying his soft purr.
“Have you always lived by the ocean?” I asked. “I know you don’t like the water, and here I am, unable to live without it.” He nudged my hand, urging me to continue petting him.
I peered out into the darkness, the flashing beacon from the lantern illuminating the waves. “I should be out there.”
I had grown up on my parents’ lobster boat, spent most of my days there before I could even walk. By the time I was ten, I was helping my dad check traps and learning about weather patterns and navigation. My dad was a fifth-generation lobsterman, and I thought I’d be the sixth generation. But nothing had turned out how it was supposed to.
Sir Cat and I stayed outside until my fingers grew too frozen to continue petting him. I crept back down the stairs, set my empty bowl in the sink, and crawled into my nest, wondering if I would always feel this empty.
3
OLIVE
I peekedout the curtains in my bedroom. It was still dark outside, but the slight shift in the color of the sky promised that sunrise wasn’t far away.
I took my morning pill before pulling on a sweatshirt, grabbing a towel, and slipping on my shoes. Sir Cat met me at the door.
“Good morning. Hope you slept well.”
He just butted his head against my leg.
While Sir Cat clearly felt this was his house to enter and exit whenever he pleased, he never tried to enter my nest. In fact, he avoided my bedroom completely, content to curl up in his makeshift basket bed. Probably a good thing since I was sleeping on an air mattress. Wouldn’t want him to puncture it with his claws.
“Let’s go, then,” I said, opening the door.
He led the way down to the small beach by the lighthouse. The sand was rocky, and it was freezing out, but I didn’t care. Watching the sky slowly turn pink and purple every morning made me feel connected tosomething. The universe, I supposed, or just something bigger than me.
I placed my towel on a large flat boulder higher up the beach and startedstripping.
“You know, cold plunges are really good for you. Very rejuvenating, gets your blood pumping.”
Sir Cat looked at me like I was an idiot, like he did every morning. Once I was undressed, he curled up on my towel to wait for me.
“One of these days, I’ll get you in the water,” I called over my shoulder. I swore he rolled his eyes.
I raised my hands out to my sides, embracing the morning as I ran into the ocean. The freezing waves stole my breath as I plunged in, but they also stole all my anxieties.
My anxieties about my lie on my job application.
My grief.
My dark days.
My uncontrollable body.
Everything that piled on so heavily disappeared in the water.
I floated on my back, buoyed by the gentle waves as the sky brightened above me.
I’d come here to start fresh, to create some sort of life for myself away from the town that held all the memories of my lifebefore, of the Olive who had parents and a community and a laid-out plan for her future. I had no idea what this new life would look like, except for small and isolated, but this morning, in the waves, it felt like I’d made the right decision with this move.
I turned to head back to the shore and let out an excited noise when I saw Sir Cat. He’d left his spot on the towel and moved closer to the water. Keeping complete eye contact with me, he reached out a single paw to touch an incoming wave. He withdrew it with a shake and a disgusted look before scampering off.
