“You’ll be nice to her?” Lars asked, his voice deep and serious. “Give her a chance?”
My throat closed up too tight to form words, so I just nodded before escaping upstairs to my room.
I threw myself onto the bed and screamed into my pillow. I was a mess. My brothers had put up with my terrible moods the past six months, had been so understanding, but I sensed their patience was coming to an end.Well, maybe if you just communicated with them, you idiot.
Exhaustion weighed heavy on me. Who knew grief made you so tired?
I lay there for a while before forcing myself to sit at my desk and open my laptop. I started pulling up sites for the restoration materials we would need, but somehow ended up looking at homes for rent in other towns. Jobs, too. I would have to tell my pack brothers the truth soon, and needed to have a place to go to when they inevitably kicked me out.
For just a moment, I allowed myself to imagine what it would be like if we all bonded Olive. To come home to her looking all rumpled and cozy at the end of a long day. To have someone to hug, cuddle,love. The image of it was so powerful and filled me with such intense longing, it took my breath away.
I clutched at my chest. How could I risk it, giving so much of myself to another person when I could lose them, too? I just… I couldn’t. Even though my cowardice would cost me everything.
16
OLIVE
I triedto stay inside my house while the alphas were working. I really, truly did. But the minutes ticked by soooo slowly, and my omega was whining about needing to be close to them.
Finally, I broke.
I looked at the clock. Great, I’d lasted forty-five minutes since they arrived this morning.
I rolled my eyes, frustrated with myself. My omega had been quiet these past few years, ever since theincident, but she seemed to be blossoming now and had lots of opinions about what I should do with these alphas. And her fantasies revolved around sitting on thick knots and having endless orgasms.
I headed to the door but stopped and turned to check myself in the full-length mirror. I’d put on fishnet tights and a brown plaid skirt with a rust sweater tucked into the front. I twisted from side to side. Did it look like I was trying too hard? I thought the tights were cute, but did they too obviously shout,Hello, I’m fishing for dick? It had been a while since my last hookup. They’d never been amazing—I’d stuck to betas and never trusted them enough to say what I actually wanted—but they’d scratched an itch. Mythingwith Finn in thetheater, for how shittily it ended, had awoken… err, my pussy for lack of better words.
I sighed. I just wanted to feel good.
I tugged at my sweater. It did a decent job hiding my round belly, but there wasn’t much I could do to cover my wide hips or thick thighs. I’d always been curvy, but my medical condition made it almost impossible to lose weight. My mom had never spoken poorly about her own body or mine or anyone else’s. My eyes flicked to the picture of me with my parents that I kept on the mantel, and I blinked quickly to keep my eyes from watering. My parents had taught me I was worthy and valuable, and I wasn’t about to let anyone convince me otherwise.
I flipped my hair over my shoulder and marched to the front door. It was another bright, sunny day, but the air was still a little chilly. Winter would be here before I knew it, and as soon as I figured out how to work the fireplace, my little cottage would be nice and cozy.
I rounded the lighthouse, coming to a stop when I saw Lars leaning over a table they had set up outside.
Shirtless.
The alpha wasshirtless.
My brain turned completely blank while a dramatic slideshow of shirtless Lars flashed before my eyes. His chest was so broad I didn’t think I’d be able to get my arms around him, but I was desperate to try. There was a dusting of blond hair leading my eyes down to his low-slung jeans. The table was blocking me from seeing anything lower. I shamelessly stood on my tiptoes to see if that would give me a better view. His arms flexed as he leaned over the table. My breathing sped up and warmth shot down my stomach into my core. I swear my mouth was practically watering.
As if he sensed my eyes on him, he looked up. A slow grin spread across his face, and his eyes were dark and heated.
“Want to see, sweetheart?”
I froze. Was he talking about his chest? Or somethinglower? He chuckled and gestured at the papers on the table. “It’s a blueprint of the lighthouse.”
My cheeks heated until they felt like they were on fire, but I stumbled forward until I was standing in front of Lars. I had to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. His eyes were so blue it was like the whole ocean was in there. The wind blew my hair over my face and he brushed it away, cupping both my cheeks. I caught a hint of my perfume in the wind. It seemed the No-NonScent Deodorant didn’t stand a chance against Lars.
His hands moved to my shoulders, and he gently turned me so I was facing the blueprint, which was pinned to the table by rocks. He placed his hands on the table, caging me in with his body.
His lips brushed my ear. “We try to get as much information as possible about the original design and materials before we start any restoration work.”
He continued explaining their process and I was sure whatever he was saying was very important, but I didn’t absorb a single word. His chest brushed my back, heat radiating off him like a furnace. I shifted my weight to my other leg,accidentallyscooting back a tiny bit in the process so I was more firmly pressed against him. Lars’s arms moved closer together until I was trapped between them. He smelled so good, like enchanting forests and bonfires on cool nights. I tipped my head back and ran my nose down the column of his throat.
“How’re you doing today, sweetheart?” His deep voice rumbled through his chest.
“Good.” I wasn’t about to admit that I’dmissedhim last night. That I’d dreamed of him tucking me into my nest before wrapping his arms around me.
