“Thanks for this,” she said, gesturing to the ice pack. “I’m okay, though. It wasn’t that hard of a hit.”
“This time,” I snapped out. “This whole thing is idiotic. Why do you need a class to learn self-defense?”I want to be the one who defends you.
Something flared in her eyes. “Maybe because I want to know how to defend myself.”
“As if you’d ever be able to fight off an alpha if he wanted to hurt you. You’re weaker than a small child.”Which is why you need me by your side, always.
Her lower lip trembled and she averted her gaze, stepping away from me. “That’s uncalled for,” she said, the frosty bite in her tone returning.
It made me irrationally angry. She shouldn’t use that fake-ass polite voice on me. Ever.
“Yeah, well, it’s the truth. And it’s my job to protect you, princess, so why don’t you have some decency to not make it monumentally challenging.”
With that, her face shuttered completely. Her eyes lost their wide vulnerability and her mouth shut tight. She hunched her shoulders and angled away from me, as if to make herself a smaller target.
Fuck. Shit.
I didn’t mean a single word of it. She wasn’t making my life hard at all.
“I apologize.” She didn’t meet my gaze. “I didn’t realize how difficult I was making yourjob.” I hated her emphasis on the last word, even though I’d started it.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom if that’s alright with you. Then we can head home. I’ve kept you out past your normal working hours long enough.”
Before I could respond, she turned and headed to the bathroom.
I didn’t miss how her shoulders hunched as she pushed the door open. Or how her hand quickly went up to her face before the door shut, as if to wipe away a tear.
30
WESTIN
The bathroom door shut behind me and I let out a small sob.
God, Westin, keep it together.
It was just… for the briefest moment when Gray jumped in front of me after I got hit, I thought he might have been upset that I was hurt. That maybe he felt some urge to protect me because he cared.
I clenched my jaw to keep the tears from spilling over.
I was just a job to him.
I was just a job to everyone in my life.
My hands trembled as I set the ice pack on the bathroom counter. I stared at myself in the mirror. A tear rolled down my barely red cheek.
I’d been anxious about returning to self-defense after the attack. Every night, I relived it in my sleep. The way he’d grabbed me. The way I hadn’t been able to get away. I’d been afraid the class would trigger me, but I’d actually felt strong while practicing with Ben. I hated feeling afraid and wanted to do whatever I could not to feel that way again.
Gray had made me feel like a stupid, weak girl.
I closed my eyes. I would give myself exactly sixty seconds of self-pity. I counted each second out evenly.
I needed to stop getting my hopes up that I’d ever be important to anyone. That I would ever matter beyond a paycheck. I was pretty sure that’s why my uncles had never put up a stronger fight when Cat wanted to take me in—they got money from my dad’s pension.
At the end of the minute, I took a deep breath, picked up the ice pack, and left the bathroom.
Gray was standing in the hallway. My blank mask was firmly in place, my emotions firmly stuffed into the tiny metal box in my mind. I refused to let him see how much he’d hurt me.
31
