“I’m infertile,” I said with a shrug. “Useless to alphas.”
“Fuck that,” Josie said, scowling. “We’re not breeding machines.”
“Iknow that, but I’m not suretheyknow that.” Silence hung in the room and I knew Josie and I were both sucked back into dark memories of the Designation Government.
“I used to love being an omega,” I said. “It made me feel connected with my mom, and then later to my aunt, once my mom died. I used to dream about who would be in my pack andhow it would feel to be bonded, but then the government told me I would never have that. And I’m lonely.” A lump formed in my throat, stopping me from admitting the rest—how my omega slowly faded away until I was terrified I’d lost my connection to her forever, and how I’d started coping by going to the club just tofeelsomething.
“Westin,” Josie breathed. “I’m so sorry. But I don’t believe for a second you’re going to be alone. Just because you don’t go through the Omega Center doesn’t mean you can’t find your pack.”
“They wouldn’t approve us to bond, though. They wouldn’t legally recognize our pack and could even prosecute us for it. Who would want to risk that to be with me?”
Josie’s mouth opened and closed. “Well, first of all, there’s no way we’re letting that policy stand. We’ll keep fighting back. Hell, we already know we have a lawyer on our side. There’s no way Henry won’t help us. Second of all, how do you not see what a catch you are? And not just because you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. You’re also so fun to be around. The right pack would risk anything to be with you. Everyone still talks about how amazing our grand opening party was, and that’s because of you.”
I did have fun planning the party. It had reminded me of the get-togethers I’d thrown in high school. I was trying so hard to be the free-spirited, social person I’d beenbefore. Before they took me to the DA, before all the exams, before I was labeled as unfit for a pack. Most days, it felt like I was putting on a show, waiting for things to feel real again.
“Do you ever wonder…” I started, and then the lump in my throat made talking almost painful.
Josie waited patiently, not pushing me to say more until I was ready.
“Do you ever wonder if we’ll bethemagain? The people we were before all of this?”
Josie was quiet for a few long minutes before speaking. “I don’t think I ever will be,” she said softly. “But I’m finally believing that this new person I’ve become… that she’s someone I like.”
I gave her hand a squeeze. “I had all these big dreams when I was younger, and they’ve all been taken from me.”
“I know what that’s like.”
The room had stopped spinning, so I pushed myself to a seated position, shifting so my back was supported by the wall.
“Westin… I have a question, but I don’t want to pry,” Josie said, eyeing me with some trepidation.
I arched an eyebrow. “Go on.”
“I was wondering if you’re okay. Physically, I mean. There are times you seem like you’re in pain or dizzy or something.”
I worked to keep my breathing even as I processed her question. I knew she’d noticed, but I’d managed to get away with not telling my friends about my symptoms for all this time. Whatever was happening in my body was real and only getting worse, but after being told by multiple doctors that I was making everything up, I was scared of my friends’ accusing, disbelieving stares.
I was so fucking tired, though. Tired of hiding and keeping everything inside.
“There’s something wrong with me. I know there is. But no one believes me,” I whispered.
“What do you mean?” Josie asked, her voice sharp.
“I’ve had these weird symptoms for years, but things got worse after the DA. At first, I thought it must be the stress of what happened. But I’ve just kept getting sicker.”
“What are the symptoms?”
“I have really bad headaches every day. And I get dizzy and tired. Sometimes it’s like my arms are too heavy for my body. I’ll have shooting pain down my neck and in my face, too.”
“Oh my god, Westin,” Josie said, her eyes wide. “Are you in pain now?”
I grimaced as my head throbbed with a dull pain. “It’s not that bad right now,” I hedged. “I’ve gotten used to dealing with it, I guess.”
“Have you seen a doctor?”
“My aunt’s pack took me to three different doctors. They all said… well, basically that it’s all in my head.”
Josie gripped my arm. “Are you serious?”
