“Like I said before, these tumors are so unpredictable. Yours might stay small and stable for years. We just can’t know for sure.”
My guys’ scents were bitter and twisted with sadness and something else… My heart cracked open when I realized it wasdisappointment. They would tell me they were disappointed for me, but they also had to be disappointed for their own sake. When we first met, they didn’t realize they were signing up for a lifetime with a sick, broken omega.
There wasn’t much else to say in the appointment, except that Dr. Ash told me my omestrogen levels were now in thenormal range and I would likely experience increasing closeness to my inner omega and would likely have a real heat in the future. The news would have thrilled me before, but now I barely felt anything. She also prescribed a few medications to help with my lingering chemo side effects and referred me to ongoing pain management.
Then we were back in the car for a silent ride back to the guesthouse.
I stared out the window, wondering what happened next.
I couldn’t imagine returning to my old life, living in the empty, dark house alone. But any other future I had dared dream for myself had been yanked away.
Henry parked the car by the guesthouse.
Gray exhaled slowly from his place beside me. “I know that wasn’t the news any of us wanted,” he said, taking my hand. “But the treatment wasn’t for nothing. Your tumor could stay dormant for years, or even the rest of your life.”
“Or it might not,” I whispered.
He leaned in and kissed me on the temple. “We don’t know what the future will bring, but we can hope for the best, love.”
“You have had fewer headaches this past week,” Liam said, stroking my hair. “And the pain management will help even more. It’s not going to be anything like before all of this.”
Their hopeful words bounced off me. I’d made a mistake when I allowed myself to be hopeful about this treatment, and I wouldn’t do that again. There was only darkness stretching ahead of me.
“Let’s go inside,” Henry said when it became clear I wasn’t going to say anything.
We went straight to my nest. The blankets weren’t arranged correctly, but I didn’t have it in me to fix them. I let Gray lay me down in the center, and the rest of my guys piled in around me.
Liam’s arms wrapped around my middle, pulling me to his chest. We lay in silence, their hands stroking over me, as the sunset bathed the room in dark orange light.
Then something shifted deep inside of me.
Liam’s honey scent grew deeper and richer. Then Gray’s woodsy scent joined Henry’s floral one and Bear’s whiskey and leather, swirling around me.
Every inhale felt likehome.
Like a key slotting into a lock in my very soul.
And then it hit me.
Mates.
With my connection to my inner omega restored, I could finally recognize my guys for what they were.
And it made me want to die.
I couldn’t saddle these four men, the most incredible mates I could ever ask for, with someone likeme. I was going to be sick and broken for the rest of my life, and they deserved better. I couldn’t live with the daily reminder of their disappointment. All the things they’d said about us traveling and going on adventures together vanished into thin air with today’s news. They said they wanted to be with me now, but how long until the regret started seeping in?
It was better for them to forget about me and move on to better things.
108
GRAY
Westin had barely spoken once we got home from the hospital. She said she wanted time alone, and part of me understood that, but my inner alpha kept urging me to go to her, comfort her.
She should never have to suffer alone.
When she’d asked to sleep by herself tonight, I felt my heart breaking. She was pulling away, and I couldn’t figure out if it was because she truly needed space to process, or if it was something else. Her earlier words to me, her fears of being a burden, played through my mind.
